Lack
Thereof
by Kikkimax
Tan lines. That’s the problem. Well, okay, not tan
lines per se, rather the lack thereof. Where the hell does Dr. Daniel
Jackson, my geeky, spectacled, pale-faced archeologist get off suddenly
sporting an all over tan?
True, I haven’t seen him in a little over three
weeks. He’s been here, in this desert hell with SG8 and a gaggle of
scientists, while I’ve been on the mend from the last round of hide and seek
with the snakeheads. Correct me if I’m wrong, but if he’s not decked out in
BDUs complete with do-rag, he should be head to toe in those flowing, cover-
everything robes like he wore on Abydos. Shouldn’t he? I mean, sure it’s hot
here, but the sun is killer. And I know my little archeologist lost. He’s
working fourteen, sixteen hour days. When the hell did he find time to
sunbathe? Dear God, don’t tell me he’s taken to digging in the nude.
I can understand the bronzing of his face, and to a
certain extent, the sun bleaching of his light brown hair. It’s longer now,
blonder, looks really soft…. Shit. Where was I? Right. The tan…
“Jack?” a surprised voice breaks into my reverie.
“Daniel.”
“When did you get here?” Daniel asks, still
guilessly naked as the day he was born and dripping wet. He has absolutely
no idea what he does to me. “I was gonna meet you at the gate.”
“Well, you’re late,” I complain, stepping the rest
of the way into the tent.
“Sorry, I just wanted to shower off the morning
grime before lunch,” Daniel explains as he runs a towel over his smooth,
brown back and shoulders.
“Nice tan,” I say, trying to keep any appreciation
that I might have out of my voice.
“Thanks. We’ve got a great pool,” Daniel gushes. “I
can’t wait to show it to you.”
“Pool? I didn’t see anything about a pool in my
travel brochure,” I snarked. “If I’d have known, I would have brought my
trunks.”
“It’s okay, you don’t need a swimsuit,” Daniel
answers innocently as he slides his glasses into place. “Nobody else wears
one.”
“Obviously,” I manage with a lift of my eyebrow
towards his illicitly non-white posterior.
“There are actually three natural pools along the
riverbed. Although it’s a bit of a climb to the second, and the third is
more than a mile back, the first one is right in our backyard, so to speak.
Who knows how many more there are farther into the hills. The water is so
clear and cool. You’re gonna love it, Jack.” He continues to talk, holding
his shorts in one hand; blonde, buff, tanned and totally naked save for his
glasses. He’s killing me and doesn’t even know it. Naďve little bastard.
“When do you work?” I ask acerbically.
Daniel looks at me as if I just slapped his mother.
“The priests don’t let us near the temple during the holy hours. That’s noon
to four-thirty. Just as well, it’s too damned hot to do anything then
anyway.”
“Why couldn’t you schedule this dig for winter or
something?” I ask, more or less just to piss him off. He is mad now and
waving his shorts around as he talks.
“This is winter, Jack. In another couple of weeks,
it’ll be too hot to do anything anytime of the day. We do what we can in the
morning and evening. Sometimes we work all night.”
“Oh, I see. You work all night, but in the heat of
the day you and the boys head up to the pool to go skinny dipping.”
“Yes,” Daniel says stiffly. “You’re more than
welcome to swelter in the tent. I wouldn’t want you to be uncomfortable
around a bunch of nudists.”
“What about Dr. Hume?”
“Lana? She’s fine with it.”
“I’ll bet she is. She’s old enough to have raised
all of you.”
“Jack,” Daniel says sadly, shaking his head. “We’re
all adults here. If you’re not mature enough to join the group, take your
prudish butt back to earth.”
Danny puts on his shorts and to my astonishment
leaves the tent. I drop my pack on the extra cot and follow.
“Forget something?” I ask as I race to catch up as
he crosses the camp in a few long strides.
“Like what?”
Somebody buy this boy a clue. “I don’t know? Pants,
shirt, shoes?”
He laughs at me and steps up into the mess tent. I
follow through a different hole in the wall since the sides are tied up and
away, allowing a gentle breeze to flow through while keeping the sun off of
the occupants. Said occupants stop what they’re doing and turn as one to
stare at me.
“Everyone, this is Colonel O’Neill. Jack, you know
Garmen, Will, and Harold,” Daniel says brightly, indicating the two
scientists and one airman already seated at the table, all in various
degrees of undress. “And this is Lana,” Daniel bends and kisses the old
broad on the cheek.
“Welcome, Colonel. I can’t tell you how happy we are
to have Daniel with us,” she croons, sitting there in a bra and a pair of
racing shorts. Pulllease. Ack, ack.
“Dr. Hume,” I say formally, trying to remind the
assorted miscreants that they still work for the government.
Another airman enters the tent with a tray of
various fruits and a pitcher of water. For lack of a better description, the
man is wearing a loin cloth. “Sir,” he says as he sets down his burden and
snaps out a salute.
“You’re out of uniform, airmen,” I scold quietly.
“No, Jack. Uniform of the day is wearer’s discretion
for this dig. I made sure of it before we left, due to the extreme heat. I
insisted, in fact. General Hammond passed it off himself,” Daniel states
confidently.
When did the little shit start using protocol to get
his way? I’m going to have to watch him even closer now. I’m so proud.
“How are you all not fried?” I glance around at the
near naked, but well tanned group.
“Well, Sam could probably explain it better, but
I’ll try. Something about the planet’s orbit being elongated? Right now
we’re angled so that the sun is more or less glancing across the planet’s
surface in this hemisphere rather than a direct hit. Is that close?” Daniel
queried one of his cronies.
“Essentially, yes,” Garmen butts in. “Also, we’re
very near the pole, and we’re very careful with sun block.”
In the distance, I can see the other two members of
SG8 and two more scientists heading down from what I have to assume is the
dig site. Thankfully, they are all dressed in BDUs. Before I can comment,
they begin to unbutton shirts and remove hats and scarves as they disperse
into various tents before reaching the mess.
Daniel offers some weird looking fruit and I
absently finger it for a minute before taking a bite. It’s sweet and juicy
and seems to cool me from the inside out. I’m feeling a tad overdressed as
the sweat gathers on my back. By the time I break down and remove my over
shirt, my tee is completely soaked and very uncomfortable. I use it to wipe
the fruit from my chin. My feet feel like they’re basting in their own
juices inside of my desert boots.
Now the latest comers are joining us, and much to my
chagrin, they have lost most of their clothes as well. Introductions are
made and the light lunch is enjoyed by all, except for one stubborn Air
Force Colonel who refuses to let it all hang out.
“Swim?” Major Effle asks me and jerks his head back
towards a path leading away from the camp, opposite the dig site.
“I just ate,” I excuse myself lamely. Daniel rolls
his eyes and watches as everyone else moves away from the mess tent and up
the path.
“Teal’c okay?” he asks.
“Fine. Junior took care of him a couple weeks ago.
He went to see his kid.”
“Sam?”
I shrug. “She wanted to come. Almost did, but
something ‘fastenating’ came up in her lab. Good thing she didn’t come,
huh?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, Daniel, it wouldn’t do for you to go
wandering around naked in front of Major Carter.”
The little shit smirks. “Sam’s seen me naked
before,” he says as he climbs the small hill to the pool.
“She has?” I asked gruffly. “When?”
Daniel throws me one of those amazing smiles of his
that are all too rare and disappears over the rise.
Innocent? Did I say innocent? Guileless? Naďve? I
may have to rethink that. And I do as I wander back to the tent I’m planning
on sharing with Daniel for the duration of my stay. He’s got a shower rigged
out back, so I strip down and indulge since water is not a problem in spite
of the sandy, desert-like landscape. When I’m done, I feel so much better
that it seems all the more shame to put my heavy BDUs back on.
The ground is amazing in that it’s not scorching my
tender feet. The air is hot, the ground is not. Okay, not that hot. Very
strange. I settle in the tent in my boxers, after pulling back the sides to
catch any breeze that happens by. Unfortunately, the air is dead calm at the
moment. I’m sweltering.
I decide to maybe just drop by the pool, you know,
see what’s going on, but the thought of getting dressed stops me. I can’t do
it. It’s hotter now than when I arrived. It’s too damned hot. My indecision
keeps me in the tent for another half hour. In that time, the temperature
has unbelievably risen even more. But I know that I can stand it if I have
to. I’m Special Forces trained.
Then it hits me. “We’re very careful with sun
block.” That tears it. Somebody has been oiling down my archeologist,
and that somebody is there at the pool with him now!
I am barely cognizant of the fact that I’m
practically running through the camp in nothing but my skivvies. I slow down
and catch my breath as I prepare myself for the sights over the little
ridge. Okay, I can do this. I climb to the top and look around.
Absolutely beautiful. The pool’s not bad either. But
there, stretched out on a rock like a lizard in the sun is my shameless
Dannyboy in all his glory. His hair is wet, so he’s obviously already had a
dip. I’m vaguely aware of other people in and around the sparkling clear
water.
Daniel opens his eyes and smiles. Not at me. One of
the airmen asks him a question and he responds with a nod and rolls on to
his stomach so the grunt can reapply some SPF 40 to his back and shoulders.
“Not today, Junior,” I growl under my breath as I
head across the tiny beach. The man has his hands all over Danny’s back. I
grab the bottle, startling the interloper. “Can I use some of this?” I ask
with malice in my tone.
“Of course, sir,” the young man says, backing away
half a step. “Would you like me to do your back when I get done with Dr.
Jackson?”
“You are done,” I say.
“Yes, sir,” the kid replies and beats a hasty
retreat. Smart kid.
He’s laughing at me again. Daniel that is. I hate
him. I really do.
“Dammit, Jack. You ran off my help before he could
finish. Now my ass is gonna burn,” he says, mocking me.
I upend the bottle and squeeze a large dollop of the
greasy stuff right where his tan line ought to be. “Don’t worry, Daniel.
I’ll take care of that,” I say casually, but I can’t quite bring myself to
touch that glorious, brown butt.
He’s looking over his shoulder now, sans glasses and
I get to look directly into those baby blues to end all baby blues.
Innocent? Hardly. He’s daring me to do it without saying a word. Guileless,
I don’t think so. He wants me to do it. Apparently I’m the naďve bastard in
this equation. He’s got me right where I want him. And vice versa.
I damn near swallow my tongue, but I do it. I grab a
double handful of the sweetest ass on the planet, and though I haven’t seen
any of the native wares, I’m pretty sure it is. Once I get my hands on it,
there’s no turning back. I enjoy my work.
Oh, God! Was that me? There was definitely a moan,
and I don’t think it was Daniel. I know he’s got a talented mouth, but I’m
sure he can’t laugh and moan at the same time. I glance around, but
everybody is studiously not looking our way.
“That feels good,” Daniel says coyly after he
finishes gloating.
“Oh yeah,” I agree and work my way down his thighs,
stopping to squirt on some more sun screen.
“Jack, you haven’t been out in this sun. We should
really get you protected right now,” Daniel says, suddenly worried.
“Nah, I tan fast,” I brag as I laboriously rub the
lotion into the backs of his legs, careful to get down in between. When I’m
done, I step out of my boxers, fold them up and place them next to Daniel’s
stuff on the rock. He smiles at me as I stretch out beside him on my
stomach. The smile turns into a leer as he unashamedly checks me out and I
have to wonder how I ever thought this man was innocent.
He hefts the bottle of sun screen and grins
devilishly. “Want to hike up to the next pool?”
“What’s up there?” I ask foolishly.
“Nobody,” he replies.
“How is the colonel, Dr. Fraiser?”
“Well, sir, he has a severe sunburn. But he hasn’t
stopped smiling since he got back.”
“Smiling? About what?”
“I’m not really sure. He keeps mumbling something
about tan lines.”
The End
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