"Earth to Sam," Janet repeated as she slid into the chair next to her friend, exchanging a greeting smile with the man across the table as he glanced up from the book he was reading while he ate.

"Oh hi, Janet," Sam muttered, a slight flush coming to her face. "I didn’t hear you."

"Yeah, I noticed," Janet teased. "What had you so enthralled? Surely not the tuna surprise."

"No. Ugh. Actually, I was looking at Daniel’s mouth," Sam explained.

The mouth in question gaped open, a forkful of tuna noodle casserole stopping in route halfway from the plate. "Uh… Why?" Daniel asked, looking over the tops of his glasses.

"Nice, isn’t it?" Janet agreed wholeheartedly.

"It’s not fair," Sam grumbled, stopping to take a bite of her salad.

"What’s not?" Daniel asked, narrowing his eyes as he slowly lowered his fork.

"Mmm," Janet agreed again with a nod, ignoring Daniel’s growing disquiet while studying his face intently. "It’s the lips."

"What about my lips?" Daniel queried, closing his book and reaching up to self-consciously wipe his mouth with a napkin.

"Exactly!" Sam concurred. "Why should a man get lips like that? If it wasn’t for the colonel, I’d have the flattest lips on SG-1 and I’m the girl! I’m not even gonna start with the eyelashes."

"Nice package all the way around," Janet leered.

"Well, yeah," Sam granted. "I’m just saying what a shame it is to waste all that on someone who doesn’t appreciate it. I mean, if he was a woman, he wouldn’t even have to wear makeup."

"All that perfect skin," Janet sighed dreamily. "He’s just so… pretty."

"I’m sitting right here, ya know," Daniel broke in, sounding exasperated and more than a little embarrassed by the appraisal.

"We know, sugar," Janet drawled. "We’re just takin’ inventory. We haven’t even gotten to the best parts yet."

Daniel felt his cheeks go red. "Can’t you do this girl talk thing somewhere else?" he sputtered, looking around to see who might be watching his torment.

"Don’t worry, hon, you are one of the girls to us," Janet assured with a wink as she gathered her fresh cup of coffee and got up to leave.

"Wait up," Sam replied as she piled her dishes back on a tray. "I’ll walk with you. It’s almost time for my pre-mission physical anyway. See you in the gear-up room," she added with a grin to her irate teammate.

"Oh good, we can talk about a certain somebody’s other assets on the way," Janet teased, smiling sweetly at Daniel.

Daniel stared after the pair as they walked away and sighed in aggravated bewilderment. "I don’t remember touching any mirror," he muttered to himself, opening his book and going back to his lunch.

Daniel ran his fingers hurriedly through his hair in lieu of a comb, but paused to really take a look at his reflection in spite of the fact that Jack was already waiting. It wasn’t often he considered his appearance. When he did stop to look in a mirror, he always seemed to be searching for something beyond what was merely skin deep, not the surface stuff. He pursed his lips and ran a finger along them in exploration. Same old lips; useful for speaking and eating, but rarely used for anything more exciting than that since… well, not for a while.

"Daniel?" Jack asked from behind in a perturbed voice.

"Huh?" Daniel replied absently, not distracted from his observations.

"What are you doing?"

"I’m looking at my lips," Daniel explained, tugging his glasses off to examine his eyelashes as well. Unfortunately, without the very items that obstructed his view, he really couldn’t tell much. He blinked a few times and slipped his specs back on in irritation.

"Why?" Jack persisted, coming a little closer to join in the assessment from over Daniel’s shoulder.

"Do I look like a girl?" Daniel asked unexpectedly, still studying his reticent reflection.

"Not since you cut your hair," Jack assured, tugging on a lock behind Daniel’s ear. "Why? Are the marines picking on you or something?"

"Worse," Daniel assured with a snort. "Sam and Janet. They said I was pretty."

To his credit, Jack paused a beat before cracking up. "Well, I wouldn’t go that far," he teased.

"I know!" Daniel agreed unconditionally, pointing at the obviously flawed image with his whole hand. "I knew they were just yanking my chain."

"Look on the bright side," Jack responded evilly as he hoisted his pack. "I’ve got a new nickname for ya."

Daniel groaned and turned away from the mirror to face his friend. "I’m afraid to ask."

"Come on, Pretty Boy, we’re late," Jack purred as he pushed open the locker room door and headed out.

Sam smiled as the Colonel and Daniel entered the gateroom, but it faltered quickly at the wounded look Daniel shot her as he joined Teal’c at the foot of the ramp. "What’s wrong with Daniel?" she asked her CO in a low voice.

"You know those Pretty Boys," Jack replied flippantly, just loud enough for Daniel to hear him. "They’re so sensitive."

"Oh God," Sam murmured. "We were just kidding around. Did we hurt his feelings?"

"He’ll get over it," Jack assured. "He hangs out with me; he’s used to sarcasm."

"We weren’t being sarcastic," Sam denied vehemently. "We were picking on him, yeah. But we were serious. Daniel is gorgeous and every woman on base knows it."

As soon as the wormhole rushed the room and retreated Daniel glance up for the all clear and then disappeared into the blue light with Teal’c close behind him.

"Crap," Sam swore in a very good, albeit unintentional impression of her commanding officer.

"You don’t really think he’s, you know," Jack fished as they walked up the ramp, "all that?"

"And a bag of chips," Sam agreed readily, stopping just short of the event horizon.

"Come on! Daniel?" Jack insisted sardonically. "Anthro-geek?"

Sam huffed in indignation, but didn’t bother to answer before ducking into the wormhole.

"Huh," Jack replied as he followed.

Stepping out onto a new world seemed to ease the tension. Daniel shook his head in bafflement as Sam sought him out with her eyes as soon as she hit the stargate dais, non-verbally begging for forgiveness. Daniel rolled his eyes and gave her a ‘don’t worry about it’ shrug. Jack snorted inelegantly at the exchange, but moved ahead without a word.

They found the planet to be uncommonly beautiful and none of them immediately disturbed the peaceful silence. The MALP hadn’t quite done the place justice as the colors seemed more vibrant, almost surreal in their splendor. Towering deciduous trees, instead of the usual evergreens, gave way to a cool blue sky on the far side of the grassy, meadow that bounded the stargate.

Butterflies flitted from wildflower to wildflower and several birds passed overhead, squawking their displeasure at the noise when the ‘gate suddenly deactivated. With the mood broken, SG-1 took a collective breath of the clean, fresh air and paused only a moment longer before getting down to business, moving off in different directions.

There was such a sense of serenity Sam felt truly at ease for the first time in a long while. She half expected to hear a babbling brook and wished they had more than the few allotted hours to spend here. Unfortunately this would just be a quick in and out mineral survey. There seemed to be nothing of strategic value at the moment, but Sam mentally added the planet to the list of possible future sites for an outpost or research colony. Paradise, she thought.

Daniel seemed to be back to his normal, exuberant self and Sam thanked her lucky stars that he was such a tolerant soul. She wouldn’t hurt him for the world and vowed to sit him down and have a heart to heart with him as soon as the mission was over. For the life of her, she couldn’t understand how the brilliant man could be so obtuse when it came to his own physical attributes. With another deep breath, she went to work.

While listening to the Colonel wax poetic about the trees and Daniel hypothesize about the plain stone platform the stargate was situated on, Sam felt quite contented. The normalcy of the conversation lulled her as she methodically completed her internal checklist for arrival on an unexplored planet. She exchanged a look with Teal’c as he dipped his head briefly in an unspoken agreement of her assessment of the situation before moving on.

Still, with SG-1’s luck, it shouldn’t have surprised her when the peaceful mood shattered. Sam turned from checking the DHD to watch in horror as the stargate slowly shimmered out of existence.

"Sir!" she called out, jumping back as the DHD was caught in the same nearly translucent beam and disappeared as well.

"What the hell?" Jack muttered in disbelief, running his hand through the space above the dais where only minutes before they had stepped through the stargate.

"Watch out," Daniel cautioned urgently as the beam swept up the MALP. "Asguard?" he questioned after a few seconds of stunned silence.

"For what purpose would the Asguard strand us on this planet, Daniel Jackson?" Teal’c asked rhetorically.

"I don’t know, but here it comes again," Daniel warned as another pale, bluish colored beam began bouncing around them, blasting the stargate dais, rocks, bushes, and anything else in its path. A second then a third bean joined in the destruction, each growing wider as they began to suck up the debris in long swirling tunnels that disappeared into the sky.

"Head for the tree line," Jack ordered brusquely, following as his team fled for their lives.

"Sergeant?" Hammond questioned hopefully.

"Nothing, sir," Davis answered in frustration. "The MALP seems to have just fallen off into space, the same as last time. It’s like the stargate is still there but the planet is gone. I can’t explain it."

"Very well," the general acknowledged softly. "Let me know if the Tok’ra or the Asguard ever get around to answering our messages."

"Yes, sir," Davis said with a slight nod as the control room lapsed back into a tense silence.

Daniel turned his canteen upside down and shook one last drop into his dry mouth. "That’s it for the water," he said to no one in particular.

In the distance the light show steadily grew closer on another, deeper pass that appeared to be removing the top soil. Soon they would have to move again.

"They’ve taken everything," Sam swore softly in dull amazement as she scanned the now empty lakebed stretching out beneath them, "including our only way home."

"Sorry bastards," Jack grumbled, exhausted from two and a half long days of trying to keep one jump ahead of the nasty blue beams as they raped the land of all but trace amounts of vegetation, water, dirt; everything.

"So, we’re just going to die here?" Daniel asked numbly. "Shouldn’t we at least try to find some way to communicate with it?"

"Knock yourself out," Jack offered with only a hint of his usual sarcasm. "The blue-beam-of-death looks all ears to me."

"Jack," Daniel objected with a tired sigh.

"O’Neill," Teal’c hastily interrupted pointing to two bright points of light in the direction of the setting sun. Gradually the lights dimmed into dark spots that increased rapidly in size, morphing into small, sleek aircraft. As they approached they were accompanied by a deep roaring hum and gale force winds. Before the small space ships landed in the dry lakebed the blue beams disappeared completely.

"Daniel," Jack yelled above the noise, ducking his head from the rush of sand that swept past him, "here’s your chance to communicate."

Daniel tried to peer through his upraised arms to get a better look but had to turn away as well until the cacophony of sound and bruising air abruptly stopped. He heard running feet pounding the barren ground and coming towards them as he used his equally dusty sleeve to wipe the fine film of dirt from his glasses.

Already on his feet, Teal’c raised his staff weapon and shouted to the two young men who breathlessly approached them. "Come no further," he boomed menacingly.

Jack and Sam held their P-90’s ready to fire, and the men seemed to recognize serious weapons when they saw them and stopped their advance immediately.

"We mean you no harm," one of the men said hurriedly, lifting his empty hands in supplication.

"Right," Jack mocked. "So it wasn’t you trying to wipe us off the planet with that nifty blue vacuum then, huh?"

"We only recently determined your life signs when we passed over this area in our scout vessels. Long range scans indicated that this planet was uninhabited," the other man explained rapidly and without pausing for air.

"Obviously not," Daniel put in. "We’ve been running from that vicious shaft of light for days."

"We have destroyed your planet."

"No," Daniel assured quickly, relieved by the stricken tone of the man’s voice. "We’re visitors here, just like you. Although we had actually planned to leave the planet the way we found it."

The two men looked at each other and then at the wanton destruction around them. "Your ship was destroyed?" one of them asked.

"We didn’t come here by ship," Sam started to explain, but cut herself off at the sharp look from her commanding officer. "But yes, our means of transportation was taken out in the first wave."

"So, let me get this straight, you weren’t intentionally trying to kill us?" Daniel asked warily.

"No!" the first man exclaimed. "We fight only for the defense of our people."

"And we take raw materials only from planets without sentient life forms," the other added. "I am Barret and this is Alam. How may we assist you in returning to your home?"

"I don’t think you can," Sam said taking in size of the two tiny spacecraft.

Alam graced her with a cocky grin and clicked a knob on his arm. "Command, we require a shuttle. The last scan was not a malfunction. We have discovered four people on this world."

"Uh," Jack lifted a finger in protest. "We didn’t say we would go with you."

"Sir, with all due respect, the stargate is gone. Our supplies are almost used up and frankly, they’ve taken or destroyed anything we could possibly live off of long term. There’s not even any water left."

"It’s a big planet, Carter," Jack argued. "And this is where a rescue will come when Hammond manages to convince someone to come looking for us. If you could just leave us some supplies, we’ll be fine," he added turning to their would-be rescuers.

"For how long, Jack?" Daniel questioned unenthusiastically. "We can’t even be sure anyone will come. And let’s face it, this planet will never recover from… this," he said spreading his hands to encompass the havoc around them, "even if they stop what they’re doing right now. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to live in this wasteland forever."

"It’s not gonna be forever. I know somebody owes us a favor," Jack insisted stubbornly. "We just have to wait ‘em out. I’ve been in this situation before, remember?"

"No sir. You had resources. You had… people," Sam pointed out quietly.

"We have been without reserves far too long. If this is truly not your planet, then the harvest must continue," Alam cut in. "The continued survival of our people depends on it. All usable raw materials will be processed. Eventually everything will be taken, including the atmosphere. You cannot stay here."

"How long will it take to, uh, process everything?" Daniel asked, directing his attention back to the newcomers.

"Many cycles. Perhaps an absolute cycle or more," Barret estimated.

"Cycles? As in rotations of the planet around the sun?" Sam tried to clarify.

"No. A cycle is part work, part rest," Alam explained. "They are grouped into sections to better count the passage of time. An absolute cycle is three hundred and fifty cycles."

"You live on a space ship," Daniel guessed.

"Yes. It has been many generations since my people were bound to a planet."

"That makes sense," Daniel expounded thoughtfully. "They’re nomadic. They travel space searching for food and resources as best they can, but ultimately they live on board a ship."

"An intergalactic mobile home?" Jack surmised lifting both eyebrows.

"Sort of. Of course they wouldn’t relate time to any particular planet. Roughly a cycle is a day, an absolute cycle is a year, etcetera."

"If no rescue comes within a year, O’Neill, I fear one will not come at all," Teal’c intoned wisely.

Jack absently dusted the dirt off of his sleeve. "And if they’re gonna be here for a year anyway, we might as well go with them," he relented.

Teal’c inclined his head slightly and Daniel shrugged.

"That would probably be the best plan for survival, sir," Sam agreed unhappily.

"Fine," Jack mumbled, turning to the closest pilot. "We accept your offer of a ride."

"This never gets old," Jack grinned as he leaned over the shuttle driver to peer out the front window.

A few steps behind him in the passenger area Daniel scrubbed at his face with the already filthy Wet wipe he had stolen from Sam. "Better?" he asked raising his head for inspection.

"Nice try," Jack teased as he glanced back. "Looks like you just made mud."

"That’s what it feels like, too," Daniel complained as Sam placed another cup of water into his hand before handing one to the Colonel as well.

"Drink it," she cautioned when Daniel went to dip the cloth in it. "We’re all still a little dehydrated."

"Whoa," Jack breathed reverently, bringing his three teammates forward for a look at the mammoth vessel rising before them.

"How many ships do you have?" Daniel queried, dribbling part of his drink down the pilot’s back as he hadn’t quite gotten his space legs yet. "Sorry."

"We have many, many shuttles, fighters and scout vessels," the co-pilot provided, hiding a grin at his unhappy partner. "But we live on the two large ships. This one is Heracles. It is the bigger of the two."

"That is big," Jack muttered. "Bigger than any old mothership, eh Teal’c?"

"By far," Teal’c agreed, awestruck as well at the behemoth beginning to fill the view port.

"Heracles," Daniel mumbled. "Well that certainly leans towards a common ancestry with Earth."

"Heracles?" Jack asked. "A god perhaps?"

"Uh, no. Actually Heracles was the greatest hero of Greek mythology, fathered by a god, but his mother was mortal. You probably know him by his Roman name; Hercules."

"Of course," Sam agreed. "We still tend to name really big things Hercules, don’t we?"

Daniel nodded enthusiastically as he took a deep drink from the cup and shifted into lecture mode. "Heracles went insane for a brief time and killed his wife and children. As punishment from the gods he was given twelve labors, feats so difficult they were considered impossible. But the sympathetic deities Hermes and Athena dropped in from time to time to help him when things got too bad."

"Yadda," Jack groused.

"But the point is…"

"There’s a point?"

"Yes there is a point," Daniel continued patiently. "The point is Heracles is the embodiment of pathos; the experience of virtuous struggle… and suffering."

"I knew I wasn’t gonna like the point," Jack grimaced exchanging a worried look with Carter.

"That doesn’t have to mean anything," Sam offered hopefully. "Does it?"

"Probably not," Daniel agreed with a slight frown. "I’m just saying."

"Well don’t," Jack ordered, cutting off a protest with a raised hand.

As a group they fell silent, mesmerized by the enormous grey ship that blotted out more and more of the stars behind it as they drew closer. Constant flashes of blue light along the bottom provided a reminder of the days spent outrunning the destructive beams as it continued to digest the world below. The sun peeking around the edge of the planet seemed to be reflected back along the entire top of the ship as if it were made of glass. The display was brilliant, if a little hard on the eyes.

Soon however they were close enough that all they could see were the patches of lighter and darker metals that marked repairs and alterations to the ship’s hull. An occasional window, bulkhead, blinking light or other blemish distracted the eye, but for the most part, Heracles was cold grey.

"Are we going to land on Heracles?" Daniel asked, fending off a yawn.

"No," the pilot scoffed distastefully. "Heracles is the service vessel. We’re headed for Theseus. It remains some distance away."

Daniel pursed his lips and nodded but didn’t expound on the new information.

Jack rolled his eyes to the ceiling before turning a repentant look to his friend. "Daniel?" he invited reluctantly.

"Ah, actually Theseus was Heracles’ cousin."

"So it’s a family thing," Jack joked.

"Theseus was the son of King…"

"Ack! Don’t make me regret asking," Jack warned lightly. "Let’s just have the condensed version for now."

"Theseus," Daniel began again, only slightly aggrieved, "was the national hero of Athens and was renowned for his sense of justice and his defense of the oppressed," he said succinctly.

"Was that so hard?"

"But?" Sam asked expectantly.

Daniel cleared his throat.

"Condensed," Jack warned again, lifting a finger.

"Well, his credo, so to speak, could be described as ‘do unto others before they do unto you’."

"Sweet."

"But, it probably doesn’t mean anything," Daniel assured, rubbing his eyes.

"Are we there yet?" Jack turned to ask the pilot.

"No," the longsuffering man flying the craft growled. "It will be some time before we dock."

"Thanks," Jack called back genially. "That doesn’t really tell me anything. Okay, kids, try to get a little rest before we get there."

They settled around the edge of the cargo compartment, out of the way but with a good view of both the forward area and the outer hatch. Not that anybody could come busting in on them out in space, but it was a good habit as far as Jack was concerned. Jack and Sam leaned against the bulkhead, Teal’c folded his legs to meditate and Daniel stretched out using his dusty pack for a pillow.

"Wake me in an hour," Daniel mumbled almost incoherently.

"Sure," Jack agreed, realizing Daniel was already asleep.

"Wakey, wakey," Jack said, nudging Daniel with his boot. "Sorry, no coffee."

Daniel peeled open one eye and glared up at his tormentor. "You had a shower," he accused. "And a shave." He noticed at a glance that Sam and Teal’c had cleaned up as well.

"Why, yes, Daniel. I did," Jack gloated. "These fine gentlemen were nice enough to let us use the facilities, such as they are. And now it’s your turn."

"How long was I out?" Daniel rasped out as he pushed himself up to a sitting position.

"Only about three hours," Sam provided, handing over a bowl of what appeared to be noodle soup. "We all got some sleep."

Daniel accepted the food eagerly, quickly finishing it off by tipping the bowl to get the last few drops. "Wow. I was hungry," he declared, wiping his hands on his dirty pant legs. "Now where’s the shower?"

"You must find a seat and buckle in," the co-pilot instructed, sweeping an arm towards the passenger seats.

"We’re there?" Jack asked, sounding like an excited kid, bouncing forward to get of glimpse of the sleeker, shinier Theseus.

"What about a real quick shower?" Daniel pushed.

"There is no time," co-pilot insisted. "We’re preparing to land now. You must clear the flight deck," he told Jack firmly pushing him out of the cockpit.

"I’m going. Sheesh," Jack grumbled, sounding hurt as he stepped back through to the passenger area. Daniel still sat in the floor behind the seats, rearranging the contents of his pack and muttering under his breath.

"Let’s go," Jack ordered softly. He offered him a hand up, but thought better of it comparing his clean hand to Daniel’s filthy one. Cramming his hand back in his pocket, he shrugged apologetically before joining Sam and Teal’c who were already buckled in.

Daniel rolled to his knees and found his footing before wobbling over as well. He sighed as he sat next to Jack who made a show of scrunching his nose.

"Keep down wind," Jack ordered.

Daniel shook his head as if to wake up, hiding an evil grin as the stirred up dust floated in Jack’s direction.

"Hey," Jack bitched venomously.

"Sorry," Daniel swore with feigned innocence before he sneezed, sending another wave Jack’s way.

"Bless," Jack uttered automatically, not toning down his glare as he waved a hand in front of his face to stave off the invading germs. "Next time, you can shower first, you vindictive little bastard."

"Somehow," Daniel said with a satisfied smile, "I just know you meant that as a compliment."

"Where are we going?" Daniel asked as they followed the pilot through the enormous landing bay of Theseus.

"The Director of Assignment will decide what your duties will be and your board."

"Bored?"

"Board, Jack. I think he means where we will stay."

"Yes," the shuttle pilot nodded. When they reached the bulkhead a door opened to admit them to a large elevator.

"Cool. A turbolift," Jack enthused. "Can I drive?"

Sam and Daniel exchanged an indulgent look and shook their heads at the confused pilot who leaned in and pushed a button to send them on their way. He stepped back with a relieved expression. "Welcome to Theseus."

"Thank you!" Jack called out as the door closed in his face and the car sped along to its destination. "I’m not sure, but I think that guy was glad to get rid of us."

"Us?" Sam asked innocently.

Jack narrowed his eyes. "Hey, I’m not the one who gave him a shower while he was flying the shuttle, now am I?"

"Shower," Daniel mumbled longingly, crossing his arms and resting against the side of the elevator.

"Yeah," Jack agreed running a critical eye over his friend. "You’re not exactly dressed for a job interview. Carter? Got any more of those Wet wipes?"

"No, sir. He already used the last one."

"Hold still," Jack instructed as he licked his thumb and tried to corner Daniel.

"No way, Jack!" Daniel protested, pushing away from the wall. "You are not giving me a spit bath."

Teal’c’s eyebrow shot up in alarm at what had to be another confusing Tau’ri euphemism. "Spit bath?" he questioned distastefully, as if the words tasted bad.

"It’s a particularly vile treatment Earth mothers give their children in supermarkets," Daniel explained while fending off Jack and bolting for the opposite corner of the large elevator.

"Only when their children are too nasty to be seen in public," Jack countered. "Now come here and take your medicine, Danny."

"Sir," Sam pleaded for Daniel. "Let me."

Daniel scowled but allowed Sam to wipe his face with her dry hand.

"Put some spit on it," Jack kibitzed. "He’s still dirty."

"Jack, I’m an archeologist. I’m supposed to be dirty."

"So… dressed for success? Too bad we don’t have a cat to lick off this peach fuzz," Jack teased, reaching over Sam’s shoulder to grab Daniel by the chin and give him a quick squeeze, much to Daniel’s chagrin. The slight vibration of the car stopped and the door swooshed open to a wide, brightly lit corridor. "This must be the place," Jack surmised, ushering his team into the passageway.

"Hello. Welcome," a middle aged woman in an elegant, opalescent gown greeted them as she stepped forward to shake their hands. "I am Lorna, Grand Director of Assignment."

"Colonel Jack O’Neill," Jack introduced himself as he took her outstretched hand. "This is Major Samantha Carter, Teal’c, and, uh… Doctor Daniel Jackson. He’s an archeologist," he added lamely as if to explain Daniel’s less than aesthetic appearance.

Lorna smiled uncertainly but shook Sam and Teal’c’s hands, pausing as she reached for Daniel’s. Daniel wiped his hand down his shirt, looked at it, then bowed slightly to the Director instead. She returned the gesture and seemed pleased by the compromise. "An archeologist? What is that?" she asked politely as she ushered them into her office.

"I study the past," Daniel explained his beloved profession. "I uncover and study artifacts from people long passed."

Lorna gestured for them to be seated as she rounded the huge oblong desk and pulled up a display on her free standing monitor that only she could see from her side. "And there is a need for this where you come from?" she questioned politely.

Jack leaned forward and tried to catch of glimpse of the screen, but only saw a few squiggles he couldn’t decipher. He shrugged at Sam and shook his head.

"Well, yes," Daniel said, sounding slightly put out. "By learning about our past, we better understand ourselves."

"Daniel," Jack warned before he got too wound up.

Lorna placed her hands on the desk and turned solemnly to the group in front of her. "We regret that we have caused your misfortune and to that avail, we willingly accept you into our society. However, it has been many, many cycles since we have had access to any raw materials and therefore resources are in short supply."

"Aren’t you hacking up a planet as we speak?" Jack asked.

"Yes and there will be an immediate positive effect. However processing takes time. We are a practical people, nothing is wasted. And all citizens are expected to pull their weight. For whatever time you remain with us, we insist you provide compensation."

"Sweat equity," Daniel surmised. "You want us to work for room and board?"

"Yes. As do all citizens once they reach age of maturity. We expect no more and no less from each of you. Is this acceptable?"

"Sounds fair," Jack agreed. "And it looks like we really don’t have any choice but to stay with you until someone comes to collect us or you pass a planet with another stargate."

Satisfied with the outcome of the conversation, Lorna seated herself behind the desk. "You are pilots?" she began the interview.

"Yes," Jack answered quite pleased with himself. "We are."

"Excellent!" Lorna exclaimed and began to touch her display enthusiastically. "We are always in desperate need of fighter pilots."

"I’m not a pilot," Daniel interjected. "Remember? Archeologist…" he trailed off at the look from Jack.

"Oh," the director said, failing to hide her disappointment.

"But we are," Jack put in, encompassing the rest of the team with a gesture. "That’s something right? And Daniel’s a smart guy. I know you can find something for him to do."

"That’s right," Sam jumped in as well. "He’s a scientist, a linguist …"

"A male scientist?" Lorna asked in astonishment. "What is your area of study?"

"People," Daniel stated redundantly. "Ancient history, mythology, languages."

Lorna’s face fell. "We have no need of these studies."

"How can you say that?" Daniel queried relentlessly, leaning forward in his chair. "How do you even begin to understand…"

"Daniel," Jack cut him off, grabbing his arm to rein him in.

"Daniel Jackson is a warrior of great cunning and bravery," Teal’c stated concisely.

"Yes!" Jack hissed. "Thank you, Teal’c."

"How can you be a warrior but not a pilot?" Lorna asked in confusion.

"Right," Jack muttered slapping a hand to his forehead. "I guess all of your battles are fought in space aren’t they? I assume your fighters are all one-seaters?"

"Each craft requires but one pilot," Lorna acknowledged.

SG-1 grew quiet and Daniel slumped back in his chair to silently fume for several seconds. "I can teach," he offered at last.

"Our classrooms are automated and specialized to each vocation."

"Of course they are," Daniel muttered glumly.

Sam frowned in sympathy and patted his knee. "This is awkward. Do you often take in strangers?" she asked.

"I believe it has been done in the past. Mostly we work with young ones as they finish their studies and move on to internship or workers who have a need to change occupations. At any rate, today we have gained two new pilots which we badly need," Lorna said brightly, punching some buttons and producing two small, polygonal discs.

"Two?" Jack questioned, silently counting to three on his fingers.

"Yes. Colonel Jack O’Neill and Teal’c," the director announced, handing one disc to each as she said their names.

"Um, what about me?" Sam queried uneasily.

"Women are not warriors," Lorna stated simply, looking from face to face.

"Maybe not here," Sam argued.

"It is forbidden. There will be no discussion of it. I am certain we can find a position for you elsewhere. What are your skills?"

"Easy," Jack soothed his irate officer. "She’s also a scientist," he informed Lorna proudly.

Lorna sighed. "As I have told you, we have no need for languages or…"

"I’m an astrophysicist," Sam interrupted heatedly. "And I can hold my own as an engineer."

"Ah," Lorna replied thoughtfully. "I may have an opening." She touched the screen thoughtfully, apparently scanning through information as it appeared. "There is need of another shuttle mechanic and unfortunately, there are none near completion of training at this time. Do you feel that you are qualified for this position?"

"Absolutely," Jack answered for Carter with complete confidence.

"If I have someone to show me the ropes, then yes, I think I can manage," Sam agreed.

"You would work closely for a time with a preceptor," Lorna assured with a nod and a benevolent smile.

"Okay," Sam agreed grudgingly.

Lorna worked with her computer again and produced another disc. "Now, the three of you will report back to the hangar deck and you will be shown to your boarding from there. Doctor Jackson and I will continue to search for an appropriate venue for his… skills," she replied dubiously.

"Look, I know he’s not so appealing now…" Jack started.

"Sir!"

"Jack!"

"…but he cleans up pretty good. Right, Carter?"

Daniel unhappily scuffed his dirty boot along the deck as he waited for the next shuttle to depart. He had already sat there for several hours and the noodle soup was long gone. Apparently he wouldn’t get to eat again until he arrived at his assigned room for the night. He had one chocolate power bar left, but he wanted to save that in case of an emergency.

He’d hoped to see one of his teammates on the hanger deck to let them know they were shipping him off to the Heracles, but unfortunately, the rest of SG-1 was already in training for their new jobs. Unable to find them or anyone who knew their locations, he had finally settled down near the shuttle to wait.

His own new found vocation was something of a mystery and Lorna had been most apologetic about not being able to find him a job on board Theseus. All she would tell him about his new profession was that it was necessary and he didn’t have to have any particular knowledge or skill to accomplish it. The down side was that he would not be boarded in one place but move each night to a new location where he would be provided a meal and a bed.

"Service provider," he grumbled under his breathe. "What the hell’s that supposed to mean anyway?"

"You, too?" Jack asked, startling Daniel who scrambled to make room for his friend on the wooden rack he was sitting on.

"What happened?" Daniel asked worriedly, examining the bandage over Jack’s eye.

"Some damn antigravity gadget on their spacecraft happened. They gave me one shot at flying a fighter and got all bent outta shape when I bumped the wall of the hanger… a few times."

"Are you alright?"

"Better than the wall," Jack admitted with a grimace. "Apparently these people have a better innate sense of balance than we do and it makes all the difference in the world when you’re trying to pilot one of those things."

"Yeah," Daniel agreed. "They’ve been in space for so many generations they’ve probably evolved a better inner ear to offset the artificial gravity. Teal’c didn’t have any problems?"

Jack fired off a disgruntled glare in answer.

"No, Junior probably helped him out, huh?"

"You still haven’t showered," Jack mused with a quirk of his lip, abruptly changing the subject.

"I see the bump on the head didn’t damage your keen sense of smell. Did they feed you?"

"You haven’t had anything to eat?" Jack asked sounding pissed as he rummaged through his pack. "The hospitality around this place leaves something to be desired. Here I’ve got some MRE crackers."

"You might need them later," Daniel begged off forlornly.

"Dammit, Daniel, take ‘em," Jack insisted, forcing a couple of packages into Daniel’s hand. "I can’t eat ‘em anyway. They turn to lead in my colon; it stops me up for days."

Daniel used his teeth to tear open the tough brown plastic before breaking off a piece of the large, cardboard-like cracker and stuffing it into his mouth. "Jack, you know I don’t like to talk about your colon," he scolded.

"Sorry. I forgot." Jack grimaced as he watched his hungry friend scarf down the contents of both packs of crackers before using his tongue to get the last of the crumbs. "Service providers?" he asked at last.

"I don’t know. I’m thinking janitors? Maintenance men, maybe?"

Jack puckered his lower lip thoughtfully. "That’s not what immediately came to my mind," he noted sagely.

"What?"

"Service providers," Jack drawled, enunciating each word slowly and rolling his hand in the air.

"I don’t… What? You don’t think… No," Daniel stammered and waved away Jack’s leer. "Not that kind of service."

"Come on Daniel, think about the instructions. What did Lorna tell you to do?"

Daniel blinked twice. "She said once I got to Heracles I should get on the lift and go down to this level," he held up his disc and pointed to a symbol on the cover, "go to this room and make myself at home; bathe, rest, whatever. In fact, she emphasized bathe a couple of times. She said someone would be there eventually to tell me what to do. Apparently shifts don’t necessarily correspondent to cycles."

"Doesn’t really sound like much of a job," Jack pointed out. "More like a rendezvous."

"Where do you have to go?"

"Now see, I’m supposed to go all the way to the top," Jack gloated. "Class structure, you know. I’m thinking this must be the penthouse suite."

"Right," Daniel scoffed. "Better class of service provider."

"Face it Daniel, I am a colonel in the United States Air Force. That carries some clout even out here."

"Well, apparently they don’t have any more use for colonels with a distinct lack of equilibrium than they do for archeologists."

"Or linguists," Jack added. "Or anthropologists."

"I get it, Jack."

"Apparently you’re useless all the way around."

"So you’ve said for years."

"Not true," Jack objected strenuously. "I know how useful you are. I also know what an enormous pain in the ass you can be. But I mean that in a good way."

Daniel hadn’t even formulated a response when a man signaled them to board the shuttle. Upon entering, they were dismayed to find the seats had been removed and the only place to sit was in the cargo hold with what appeared to be bags and bags of trash.

"Will this day ever end?" Daniel sighed at last, deciding it didn’t matter and making himself comfortable on top of the garbage.

Trying to keep clean, Jack settled on the one cleared area of floor instead. "Janitors?" he asked again doubtfully.

"Sure," Daniel answered, not sounding all that certain.

"Dare to dream, Danny, dare to dream."

Teal’c eyed the occupants of the common room distastefully. After he had completed his brief initial training, he was released to do as he pleased until the beginning of the next cycle, but had yet to find anything of interest. Most of the men in the lounge were young and in Teal’c’s opinion, undisciplined. They drank and gambled among themselves, or found a willing female out in the hall to take back to their board for sex.

It was reasonable to assume that these pilots did not have long careers. A combination of periodic battles against an unknown enemy, lack of proper training, and several structural flaws of the small spacecraft limited a fighter pilot’s life span. As far as Teal’c could tell, no one except Lorna seemed too worried about the dwindling number of warriors. The young men themselves seemed only concerned with carnal pleasure.

The shuttle/scout pilots were down a notch in the hierarchy, but actually seemed to have better prospects. They lived longer, they too had their pick of the women who lined the corridor to the men’s lounge, and they seemed to have a great deal of leisure time. The only ones who looked down on them were the younger, cockier fighter jocks. However, to be a warrior was a matter of honor, and Teal’c understood that all too well. Still, he longed for the company of his team whom he had not seen since they had been separated, although he had heard in great detail of O’Neill’s misfortune. Ignoring the warriors around him, he headed for an empty corner to meditate.

The instructions were simple; take the turbo-lift thingy all the way to the top, exit to the left then enter the last door on the right. As he got off the elevator Jack squinted up and down the very long hallway then startled as he looked up at the clear domed ceiling far above the partitions. Obviously a very large observation deck had long ago been converted into many, many quarters to accommodate a growing population of the huge ship. But that didn’t really stand to reason as he had yet to see anyone since he’d left Daniel in the hangar.

The walls along the hallway were thin and worn and reminded Jack of office cubicles with doors and ceilings. Other hallways bisected the main one every ten doors or so, turning the entire area into one giant grid that radiated out from the central bank of elevators. His boots echoed dully on the plain metal floor and Jack had to remind himself that he was in the ritzy part of town, shabby as it may seem.

It wasn’t a long walk, and Jack occasionally heard a voice or strain of music through a wall, but he didn’t pass anyone along the way, although another set of footfalls could be heard moving away from his position. Finally he reached the end of the line and realized that the cubicles around the edges of the huge dome were roughly twice the size of the ones in the middle, the equivalent of a corner office in his cubicle scenario. The last door on the right was one of the big rooms.

Resting the disc above the slot beside the door, Jack paused to wonder once again exactly what kind of service he’d be providing. When he deposited the disc, the door slid silently aside. Jack let out a low whistle as he glanced around. Even the big quarters were really quite small, but the view through the transparent outer hull which served as the room’s fourth wall was impressive. The spectacle of the never ending star field was a sight Jack thought he’d never forget. It was simply breathtaking.

"Beautiful, isn’t it?"

Jack turned toward the voice and let out a relieved sigh. "Yes, ma’am," he agreed, treating the plump, matronly woman to a charming smile. What kind of trouble could he get into with such a sweet grandmother type? He’d fix her pipes or whatever was broken, she’d feed him supper and let him bed down on the couch. Except there didn’t seem to be a couch in the studio-like apartment, just the one, narrow bed.

"I am Under Director of Trade. Retired. You may call me Ahren," the old woman purred.

Jack swallowed and dropped his pack by the door. "Colonel Jack O’Neill," he began covering his returning suspicions with false bravado. "Of the Earth O’Neill’s, maybe you’ve heard of us?"

Ahren laughed lightly and gestured toward the one inner door of her abode. "Perhaps you would like to freshen up while I prepare the meal."

"That would be great," Jack agreed enthusiastically, knowing his bladder was reaching capacity, but not sure if it was the odor of the trash or from Daniel that lingered in his nose.

"If you need anything, let me know," Ahren called out as Jack disappeared into the bathroom.

He scratched his head as he puzzled over the odd looking toilet. "I’ll figure it out," he called back, deciding that the lid didn’t lift.

Daniel rubbed his eyes as he continued along the dimly lit corridor. Although he’d already determined the characters were actually numerals, he hadn’t quite figured out the counting order just yet so he had to stop at each door and compare the long string of what could have passed for Webdings with the disc in his hand. At last the characters matched and he did a double take as he’d almost missed it given his worn out condition and the simple fact that none of the other fifty or so doors he’d already checked had come close.

"Should have taken that elevator," he mumbled distractedly glancing two doors down before he examined the peculiar key-card for a second before fitting it neatly into slot ‘A’. There was a mechanical click as the card was gobbled up, then the door swooshed open. Daniel frowned as he entered the tiny, dark room. "I guess once you’re in you stay in," he commented to himself as he didn’t get the card back.

The lights automatically came up and Daniel took a good look around without ever actually leaving the doorway. Two small beds paralleled each other at the far side of the room and took up more than half of the available space. There was a table and two chairs crammed near the door and a tiny kitchen-esque area with a counter, sink, and a small all-in-one appliance. The low ceiling added to the cramped feel. In his booted feet, Daniel found he could rest his palms flat against the ceiling when stretching his arms overhead.

The room was unadorned and utilitarian. A few black disks were stacked on the shelf next to some sort of mechanical device and several bowls and cups. There wasn’t anything on the walls or the one shelf to indicate who might live in the little apartment; no pictures, no reading material, nothing of a personal nature out in the open.

Carefully setting his pack on one of the chairs, Daniel made his way over to peek into the open door between the beds to find a small washroom with a shower, toilet and what appeared to be laundry equipment. Eagerly shucking his jacket, Daniel peeled out of his reeking t-shirt and placed it in what he hoped was the washing machine and not a microwave oven. He jumped back as a light came on inside the device. There was a whirling sound for several seconds and then the door popped open.

Tentatively sniffing the cool, dry, and obviously clean garment Daniel smiled at the fresh scent. He crowded his jacket in before heading back for the rest of his stuff. Within ten minutes he had cleaned everything in his pack including the bag itself, and his boots. In his still grungy boxers he looked around before discovering a stretchy vacuum hose built into the wall which he used to clean up the small mounds of dirt where he had sat his pack and removed his boots.

Slipping out of his underwear he placed them in the washer before moving over to the shower. As soon as he closed the stall a wave of not quite lukewarm, but already sudsy water drenched him forcefully from the ceiling. He barely had time to gasp his surprise when the deluge stopped. Bracing against the wall Daniel watched the dirty water around his feet being sucked forcefully down the drain. A second round of soap was followed by a thorough and invigorating rinse which left him tingling and pink-skinned from the sting of the spray, clean at last.

Sam sighed with satisfaction as she sat up and snapped the panel back into place. A key benefit of her new job was that in the process of working on the shuttles Sam would be learning things that would come in handy if… when they got back to Earth. Her natural mechanical abilities hadn’t failed her with the alien technology and she had already exceeded her preceptor’s wildest expectations. In fact, Steis had already begun to give her independent assignments with orders to call her if she ran into anything she was uncertain about.

"Steis?" Sam called out hearing the door open and footsteps in the cargo hold.

"Sorry, I didn’t know anyone was in here," a tall, rakishly handsome man said with a smile as he stepped into the forward compartment. He was well built and maybe a few years younger than Sam.

Reflexively, Sam smiled back. "Hi, I’m Samantha Carter," she introduced herself as she climbed to her feet.

"DeLoach," the man responded, holding out a hand, his smile shifting to a subtle leer as his eyes wandered over Sam’s form approvingly. "You’re the worlder."

"Worlder?" Sam asked, suddenly feeling ill at ease. She shook his hand but had to tug free of his grip when he held on longer than was necessary or polite.

He continued to eye her proprietarily as if selecting a nice cut of beef. "Yes, I mean you’re the planet dweller Alam rescued."

"One of them," Sam replied carefully. "Except we wouldn’t have needed rescuing if your people hadn’t destroyed our means of transportation."

"I meant no offense," DeLoach remarked easily. "Alam had said that the female was striking. But I must admit that up until now I’ve never had much confidence in Alam’s taste in women."

Sam harrumphed in disgust and began to gather her tools. "I’m done here. I’ll be out of your way in a couple of minutes."

DeLoach leaned against the open doorframe and watched appreciatively. "Don’t leave on my account."

"My shift is over," Sam informed him coolly.

"Great! Mine, too. I hadn’t intended to choose a mate this cycle because I have some reports to review, but I can do that while you prepare the meal…"

"Excuse me?"

"What?" DeLoach asked in confusion. "I choose you."

Sam felt her mouth fall open and made a conscious effort to close it. "Well I don’t choose you. I’m not looking for a relationship."

"A what?"

"I don’t want a boyfriend or husband or… or mate," Sam declared firmly, barely keeping her anger at bay.

"Husband? No, no, no. Permanent attachments have been prohibited for… well, for as long as anyone can remember. I only meant for the rest cycle."

Picking up her tool box in one hand and a large wrench in the other Sam tried to push past the big man. "Sorry, not interested."

"But I am," DeLoach insisted, throwing an arm across the exit and bringing his other hand up to cup Sam’s closest butt cheek.

Instinctively Sam swung her wrench down into his knee which produced a satisfying crack.

DeLoach dropped his arm to grab his injury and fell to the floor with an outraged cry. "You bitch!" he swore. "I’ll have you demoted to garbage detail!"

"Stay put. I’ll send a medic," Sam said icily as she stepped over the injured man and left the shuttle without another word.

"This is, uh… interesting," Jack replied through a mouthful of the unpalatable greenish stalks Ahren had proudly prepared for him. "What do you call it?"

"I don’t call it anything. It is a delicacy," Ahren informed him as she rubbed a hand up and down his closest arm while he stoically tried to continue to eat. "What would you call it?"

"Weed casserole," Jack suggested sweetly. "Got any hot sauce?"

Ahren made a throaty sound and leaned back in her chair to finger the broach that held her threadbare evening attire in place.

Jack swallowed nervously and fought to keep the contents of his stomach actually in his stomach. "Ahren," he bartered for time, "we need to talk."

"We have the remainder of the rest cycle," Ahren promised, releasing the clasp to let the front of her toga-style tunic fall free.

Jack stared in mute horror at the sagging breast. "No," he finally managed to choke out.

"What?"

"I said no," Jack repeated, pushing his plate away. "I’m sorry. And I’m sure I speak for Daniel, too. If you can’t find something more appropriate for us to do you can send us back to the planet. We’ll take our chances there."

"Yes," Ahren shouted. "Play hard to get. I love it!"

Jack’s well honed skills overrode his dumbfounded brain and he rolled away as Ahren pounced. "Spry for your age," he commented glibly, noticing the older woman now stood between him and the door in the narrow confines of the apartment. "Step away from the door and no one has to get hurt," he warned.

Ahren let out a feral cry and lunged again. Missing by mere inches this time, she lost more of her gown which puddle around her feet. Jack made a move past her for the door but slipped on the slinky material and landed flat on his back. With her feet twisted hopelessly in the dress Ahren tripped as well and crashed down hard, knees first, right between his legs.

With a grunt, Jack spewed what little pea-green vegetation he had eaten and promptly passed out.

"Colonel? Colonel O’Neill?" Ahren gasped, patting his face. "Oh, dear," she muttered, gathering her clothes before calling for help.

The quick, cool shower was refreshing, but didn’t exactly allow time to relax. Daniel shook the water from his hair before opening the opaque door only to come face to face with an obviously unhappy and very dirty female. She thrust a small towel at him which Daniel immediately lowered to cover his groin as she blatantly checked him out, still frowning contemptuously.

Daniel glowered back as he fumbled to tie the towel around his waist. "Do you mind?" he asked as he crossed his arms over his chest before thinking twice and returning his hands to reinforce the knotted towel.

The brown-eyed woman flung his underwear at him before disappearing back into the main room, the door sliding shut behind her. Daniel stared at the closed door for a minute before struggling to pull his shorts over his still wet skin under the towel. Unfortunately the rest of his clothes had vanished along with all of his other stuff.

"Excuse me," he called as he neared the door, jumping as it suddenly swooshed open. "What are you doing?" he asked the woman who stood between the beds angrily folding his clothes and stuffing each item deeply into the pack.

"What does it look like I’m doing? At least you had the decency to clean it yourself," she snarled.

"Stop it," Daniel said, wrestling the tightly balled up sock from her fingers. "You don’t have to do that."

She dropped the pack to the bed and moved into the kitchen to turn and study him suspiciously as he folded his own laundry. "You’re new," she finally ground out.

"Uh, yes. I’m Daniel."

"Marlena," she huffed out guardedly. "I’m not the one you’re here for. I mean, I’m not on the list."

"List?" Daniel asked tentatively.

"For service," Marlena explained with an irritated glance. "I haven’t been on the list for a long time. But Bethel let her supervisor bully her into it a while back. I’m surprised you got around to her so soon."

"I’m sorry, I’m not sure what’s going on. This is where they told me to sleep tonight. The key fit so I thought…"

"You’re not a service provider?" Marlena asked in confusion.

"No. I mean, yes, that’s what they said my job would be. They just didn’t exactly explain what that entailed. But I’m starting to get the idea," Daniel admitted reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose.

Marlena laughed humorlessly. "I find that hard to believe. I know you pilots know the rules."

"That’s just it, I’m not a pilot," Daniel explained quickly. "My friends and I were rescued from P3C-4889 today…"

"P3C?"

"4889… The planet your people are gathering raw materials from. We were stranded there after your ship gobbled up the stargate."

"I don’t understand," Marlena answered backing away. "You’re not from the home world?"

Daniel tapped his finger thoughtfully against his lip. "Actually, I probably am from your original home world, but no, I’m not from the planet your ancestors left to travel space in these ships."

"I see," Marlena uttered softly, obviously shocked by the news.

"I won’t hurt you," Daniel said gently, spreading his hands in entreaty before quickly reaching back to grab the towel as it slipped.

Marlena laughed again, more relaxed this time, as she pulled the tight kerchief from her head to reveal short, dirty brown hair. "You’ll never make it as a service provider," she said as she began to strip out of her work coveralls. "You’re too modest."

"Oh, uh," Daniel stammered, trying not to watch, but not having anywhere to go except back into the bathroom where Marlena was obviously headed, or out into the hall which he had no intention of doing in his underwear. "Maybe you can explain how this works? You say there’s a list?"

"Yes. A worker puts her name on the list when she feels the need for intimate relations."

"Intimate… right," Daniel flushed, his fears confirmed. "Wait a minute. Her name? Aren’t there any male workers? Or female… service providers?"

"Of course not, men are pilots, not workers. Besides, they have their pick of women on board Theseus," Marlena slid past Daniel and into the washroom to cram her outer clothes into the washer. "This thing is still hot," she accused. "How many times did you run it?"

"A couple," Daniel lied, turning his back when she started to remove her skimpy undergarments. "So, where do the service providers come from?"

"Most are retired pilots. Some were injured or unable to fly for some reason. They’re all asinine jerks if you ask me. Bethel was so distraught after the last time… I would have lost her if it hadn’t been for the Sisterhood," Marlena paused, obviously distressed by the memories. "I couldn’t believe it when she told me she’d submitted again."

"Oh. I have so many questions about what you just said I don’t even know where to start," Daniel declared, closing his eyes for a second to sort his thoughts. "Okay, uh, do the service providers treat the workers badly?"

"Usually. Now if you don’t mind I’d really like a shower before I have to go find somewhere to sleep."

"What?" Daniel asked turning to look at the naked woman, instantly flushing a deeper red and turning back. "I don’t want to put you out. You don’t have to leave on my account."

"Daniel, right?"

"Yes."

"This is the way it works; you provide Bethel with services, she provides you with food and lodging for the night. As the roommate, I’m required to clear out."

"But you said Bethel isn’t really interested in, uh, services. I can just sleep on the floor," Daniel suggested hopefully. "Who would know?"

Marlena didn’t answer, but when the shower came on abruptly Daniel knew the conversation was over. He moved away from the door and let it slide shut. Quickly dressing, he used the towel on his still dripping hair. By the time he finished, a much cleaner Marlena entered the room wearing a knee-length robe and a towel on her head. She had strong features, but overall she wasn’t unattractive.

"It was over an absolute cycle ago," Marlena began as if there hadn’t been a break in the conversation. "Bethel had never been with a man, she’s very young. The provider took her roughly, then reported her as uncooperative. She’s been terrified of men ever since."

"He raped her," Daniel reasoned softly, unconsciously clenching his hand into a fist.

"Call it what you will. It damaged her psychological profile and she has since been demoted to the lowest tier of sanitation. Her supervisor has convinced her that the only way she will ever be promoted out of there is to submit once again to get over her fears and raise her psych scores."

"That’s crazy. Why do the workers put up with this? These… these men get everything thing they want and the women get nothing."

"No, that’s not entirely true. Many, many workers feel that this is a great benefit. There is nothing cycle to cycle but work and drudgery," Marlena explained, pulling the towel from her head and roughly drying her hair with it. "To be held, to be made love to by a man is a strong motivator. It’s just not usually a reality."

Daniel nodded unhappily. "So how many of these service providers are there?"

"Something like eighteen at this time, I think, counting you."

"Eighteen? Well, nineteen then, if we count Jack, too. But there must be several thousand workers on this ship?"

"Looks like you’re going to be busy," Marlena replied with a smirk.

The outside door opened and a shorter, younger woman with a foul stench about her breezed in. Her smile froze as she spotted Daniel. She bit her lip and bravely tried to hold back the tears, knowing there was only one reason for a man to be waiting in her home.

"Oh, God," Daniel mumbled sympathetically, letting Marlena brush past him as Bethel burst into sobs and slid down the wall, shaking hysterically. Unable to get out of the apartment without getting closer to the terrified woman first, Daniel gathered his pack and backed in the bathroom. "I’ll… I’ll just be in here," he announced letting the door slide shut behind him.

He could hear Marlena’s soothing voice under the heartbreaking cries of the younger woman through the thin partition and wondered how many of the neighbors were listening as well. Scratching his scruffy chin he glanced into the small mirror and decided maybe he did look a little sinister with three days growth of beard. He found the sink he had overlooked the first time and set about digging out his razor. By the time he finished shaving, he could no longer hear Bethel’s anguished sobs.

The door opened and Marlena did a double take as he wiped the last of the soap from his face. "Is she okay?" he asked.

"Yeah," Marlena answered wearily. "She wants to shower."

"Right." Daniel put on his now clean glasses, gathered his things, and slid past Marlena in the doorway. Bethel, who now sat quietly in one of the chairs at the table, eyed him nervously. "If you don’t want me here, I’ll leave," he told her gently.

"No!" Both women exclaimed simultaneously.

"If you leave, Bethel won’t get credit for the service," Marlena explained. "Then she’s back to the bottom of the list. Better you than some of the others."

"But how will anyone know?"

"Your card," Bethel offered, bravely making eye contact for several seconds before nervously running her hands through her short, thick blonde hair. "You get it back when you leave."

Daniel frowned. "It’s a time card?"

"Yes," Marlena answered, motioning for Bethel to come toward the bathroom. Bethel hugged the wall and Daniel backed away as well to give her a wide berth. She smiled gratefully and disappeared behind the closing door.

"You’re sure about this?" Daniel questioned as Marlena moved into the kitchen.

"I promised you won’t hurt her," Marlena whispered, an unspoken threat lingering in the air between them.

"I’m not going to touch her," Daniel swore, eyes going wide. "If you want me to stay, I’ll stay. But I’m not going anywhere near that young woman."

Marlena nodded her thanks and began making preparations for the evening meal. "Are you hungry?" she asked conversationally.

"I’m starving," Daniel admitted, seating himself at the table and resting his chin in his hand. He glanced up guiltily. "I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. You don’t have to feed me, because I’m certainly not going to be providing any ‘services’ this evening."

"Just by being here you’re helping Bethel," Marlena disagreed.

"Well, if it’ll help get her promoted…"

"No, I mean, you can show her that all men aren’t like… that. You can show her she doesn’t have to be afraid."

"Ah," Daniel replied, licking his lip thoughtfully. "But maybe it’s better that way? Safer?"

Marlena frowned and rubbed her forehead with the back of her hand. "Maybe," she conceded and went back to cooking dinner.

"Easy!" Jack complained as the doctor probed his throbbing-- and not in a good way--family jewels.

"I think you’re going to live," she advised with an evil glint in her eye as she covered him with a sheet to preserve what was left of his dignity. "I’m ordering intermittent ice packs and rest. Obviously you won’t be able to perform your regular duties for a few days."

"What a shame," Jack muttered sarcastically, staring at the ceiling.

"I know it hurts…"

"You have no idea," Jack interrupted without looking at her.

"…so I’ll give you something for the pain."

"Pass."

"Don’t be stubborn. If you rest well, I’ll let you go to the commissary at the start of the next cycle."

"Goody," Jack replied dryly, biting down on the inside of his cheek as the doctor carefully placed an icepack.

Daniel glanced up nervously when the bathroom door opened.

Dressed in an off-white robe identical to Marlena’s, Bethel smiled uncomfortably as she slowly approached the table. "I’m sorry," she began timidly. "About before."

"You have nothing to apologize for," Daniel assured her.

"Why don’t we pull the table over to one of the beds?" Marlena interrupted the awkward conversation. "We hardly ever have guests," she explained.

"Right, let me," Daniel offered and easily slid the table closer to one of the beds so someone could sit on the edge while they ate.

Bethel brought the chairs over and sat hesitantly in one while Daniel sat on the bed, as far away from her as possible.

"It’s a good thing we found this planet, another twenty or thirty cycles and the hydro-tanks would have gone dry," Marlena said to try to ease the tension. "We’ve been rationing forever. Bethel’s whole life in fact."

Daniel and Bethel exchanged uneasy glances, but neither spoke.

"And we found a sea creature in the sieve as they began to replenish us," Marlena continued excitedly as she sat a large platter of what appeared to be fish and rice on the table. "It’s against the rules but we split it up and smuggled it out."

"Marlena works in the gardens," Bethel explained timidly as she dished up some of the food. "They get their water straight from the main station and then filter and treat it themselves."

"This fish is from the planet?" Daniel asked. "Are you sure it’s safe?"

"Of course," Marlena assured with a smirk. "At least it falls within the edible parameters, but if you don’t want to risk it…"

"No! No, it smells wonderful," Daniel declared, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, his stomach rumbling in agreement. "If you say it’s edible, then it’s edible, right?"

"Eat," Marlena instructed, loading Daniel’s bowl to the rim.

"Thank you." Daniel picked up the spork-like utensil and took a bite. "Mmmm," he approved. "It’s very good."

"Were you not half-starved I might believe you," Marlena teased.

"Have you not been fed?" Bethel asked solicitously, shifting her concern from her own worries to the seemingly harmless service provider.

"I had some soup earlier," Daniel muttered through a mouthful of fish, sparing a glance at his watch. "Like, uh, yesterday. And then some crackers… I’m fine." Ignoring his audience Daniel concentrated on his food, surprised when he looked up to find both women watching him in fascination. "What?" he asked uneasily, reaching for a napkin.

Marlena poured some hot black liquid into a handle-less cup and offered it to him.

"Coffee?" Daniel asked hopefully. He took a sip and made a face at the strong, pungent flavor. "Whoa, that’s… that’s not bad, actually. I could get used to this."

"This one is not hard to please at all," Bethel whispered to Marlena.

"I told you, he’s new. He’ll change, and not for the better."

Daniel sighed and thumped the cup back to the table. "Please don’t talk about me like I’m not here," he grumbled. "I hate that."

"See," Marlena offered as she continued to eat.

Bethel’s lip began to quiver and she looked like she might bolt for the bathroom.

"I’m sorry," Daniel swore quickly, reaching out but not touching the frightened girl. "Please don’t cry. I didn’t mean to be gruff, I’m… I’m just exhausted. I’ve had a bad couple of, uh, cycles."

"Bethel, calm down," Marlena soothed, pulling the younger woman in closer to her side. "He’s not going to hurt you. In fact, he said he doesn’t mind if I stay."

"What?" Bethel asked tremulously.

"That’s right, Marlena’s not going anywhere," Daniel assured, kicking himself for being thoughtless. "You won’t have to be alone with me at any time."

"But, the rules!"

"No one will know. I’m the only one they’re keeping track of, right?" Daniel questioned looking from one to the other.

Bethel nodded and seemed to calm down. "I’m okay," she whispered and tried to smile.

"Daniel, why don’t you finish this?" Marlena offered, pushing the remainder of the fish towards him.

"No, I’m good," Daniel lied, eyeing the food anyway.

"I’m just going to put it in the wet recycle if you don’t eat it."

"Well, if you insist," Daniel replied readily as he scraped the rest of the food into his bowl.

"I’ve never seen anyone eat so much," Bethel observed in astonishment.

"This is first real meal I’ve had in a few days," Daniel explained contritely, consciously pacing himself.

Braver now that she knew her roommate wasn’t leaving, Bethel reached out tentatively and removed Daniel’s glasses. "What are these?"

"Oh, um, my eyesight’s a little off. Those correct my vision," Daniel explained, polishing off the rice.

Bethel tried them on and frowned as she blinked. "They don’t work," she quickly decreed.

"Well your eyes are probably a lot better than mine. They wouldn’t work on you."

"I’ve never seen the color of your eyes," Marlena said softly.

"Blue?" Daniel asked in astonishment. "You’ve never seen blue? What about the sky?"

"The sky is black," Bethel corrected, returning Daniel’s spectacles.

"I guess it is from your perspective. Haven’t you ever been to the surface of a planet?"

"What for?"

At a loss for words, Daniel got up and went to his pack. "I live on a planet," he told them as he dug out the photo he knew was stuck between the pages of his journal. "To me, the sky is blue."

The picture showed Cassie sitting between Daniel and Jack on a blanket at a picnic with an arm around each of their necks, pulling them down to her level. It was Cassie’s birthday and Jack had made a tasteless joke about the time Janet had snapped the shutter on her old fashioned 35 millimeter camera, so they were all laughing. Behind them could be seen grass, trees, and a beautiful blue sky. Daniel managed a small, sleepy smile at the memory as he handed the photograph over.

"That’s Earth. That’s where I’m from," Daniel pointed out. The women nearly ripped the photo as each tried to get a better look. "Keep it." Daniel offered. "I’ll get another copy from Janet when I get home."

"Keep it?" Bethel echoed incredulously.

"Sure," Daniel mumbled tiredly, sitting on the edge of the bed then falling back to lie flat and relax as his new roomies analyzed the picture bit by bit. Really comfortable for the first time in days he let the excited conversation wash over him. As the girls chatted, they cleared the table and cleaned up. Daniel drifted off to the sounds of their voices.

"Lorna?" Sam called anxiously from the hallway, hoping she had the right door because it had slid open without warning when she approached it.

"Major Carter, come in," the other woman replied with a smile as she put down the discs she had been sorting. "Have a seat."

"I’m sorry to bother you when you’re off duty," Sam apologized as she took the offered chair, sparing a glance at the elegant but simple surroundings.

Lorna sighed. "Trust me, as a Grand Director I’m never really off-duty unless I’m asleep."

Sam allowed a nervous smile as she folded her hands in her lap.

"I understand that you’re doing remarkably well in your new job."

"Thank you. I’m enjoying it very much. I really like to get my hands dirty every now and then."

"Excellent. I’m glad we were able to match you so effortlessly. That’s not always the case, I’m afraid."

"Yeah, that’s sort of why I’m here. About Colonel O’Neill and Daniel…"

"I suppose you’ve heard about the accident then," Lorna interrupted, solemnly.

"The shuttle pilot," Sam managed, the color draining from her face as she misunderstood.

"What? Oh, yes. DeLoach. I understand that he fell and injured his leg. I’m afraid he won’t be flying for awhile."

"He fell?" Sam asked, not quite believing her ears.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, right now I’m trying to decide who to pull down from the fighters to cover his duties. I wonder if Colonel O’Neill would be interested in learning to fly a shuttle while DeLoach is convalescing?"

Sam bit back a laugh. "I’m sure he would. And maybe we could try again to find something for Daniel to do on Theseus?" she asked optimistically.

Lorna looked down guiltily before fixing a worried gaze on Sam. "As I was saying… I understand that there has been an accident on Heracles. I believe that one of your friends might have been injured."

"How bad?"

"I’m sorry, I don’t know. They don’t fall under my direct supervision once they are over there. What I heard was only rumor. But if you wait in the bay you might be able to catch a ride on a service shuttle," Lorna advised grudgingly.

"Thank you," Sam muttered over her shoulder as she ran for the door.

"Just don’t be late for your next shift!" Lorna called after her.

Still stretched out across the end of the bed, Daniel woke to a whispered, and not entirely accurate, anatomy lesson on the differences between boys and girls. His feet seemed to be elevated and someone was tugging at his boots without properly loosening the laces first.

"Ow," he complained reflexively, reminded of the several blisters he’d obtained while playing dodge with the ship’s harvesting beams for two plus days. He opened his eyes to find Bethel guiltily holding one foot and Marlena determinedly gripping the other. They glanced at each other and slowly released their holds, dropping his feet to the floor.

"Sorry," Marlena blurted out. "We thought you’d be more comfortable."

"And I wanted to see your feet," Bethel confessed with a giggle.

"Why?" Daniel asked drowsily as he sat up, feeling very lightheaded and a little silly himself.

"They’re so big," Bethel gushed.

"Oh. Um, thank you, I suppose." The room seemed hazy and had a strong, sweet odor. "What’s that smell?"

"Incense. It enhances mood. Bethel burned too much. I think it’s gone to our heads," Marlena managed, almost sounding coherent.

Daniel sneezed. "Great, there go my sinuses. I feel… wow. That stuff’s strong." He thought he was swaying or that the room moving, but he couldn’t decide which.

"They grow it secretly in the back of the gardens," Bethel informed him quietly, leaning over him drunkenly, no trace of her previous fear.

"Shhh. It’s forbidden," Marlena added conspiratorially.

"Why do I think I’m going to develop a sudden craving for Doritos?"

"What?"

"Never mind. I didn’t mean to fall asleep on your bed. I’ll, uh, grab some floor over there," Daniel said, struggling to get to his feet.

"It’s alright," Marlena assured him, seating him back on the bed with one firm push. "Rest cycle’s more than half over anyway. We’ll share the other one."

"Oh. Okay," Daniel lay back and sighed with an unnatural sense of fulfillment. "If you insist," he mumbled before he drifted back to sleep. He was vaguely aware of the girls’ renewed efforts at removing his boots.

Somehow, Jack had managed to sleep for a couple of hours. Pleased with his progress, the doctor had allowed him to walk to the commissary for breakfast, walk being a subjective term. The bone-jarring pain in his left testicle had eased to a nagging ache, either from the numbing effects of the near-constant icepack or the magic medicine ‘doctor’ Mary had slipped him.

The woman was sneaky. Jack had to give her that. They hadn’t exactly hit it off and Jack felt about as welcome in her infirmary as a fart in a diving helmet. In fact he was homesick for Janet’s more honest, if less subtle, bedside manner. Not to say that Mary didn’t have her good points. Jack’s manhood might be dented, but he wasn’t dead and the fact that Mary was a knockout wasn’t helping his condition in the least.

Luckily, the commissary was right around the corner from the main infirmary in a large common area. Jack’s slow pace left him right in the middle of the morning rush as he shuffled along with his icepack in hand. He was a little astounded to realize that every swiftly moving body around him in the crush of foot traffic was female. The ‘ohs’ and ‘ahs’ of the appreciate crowd didn’t go unnoticed either and Jack felt a little like a show pony with a broken… leg.

Finally he reached the ‘in’ door and fell into the end of the short line, obviously arriving just in time if he wanted to eat. He took a tray and set his constant, cold companion on it as he smiled self-consciously to the woman next to him who gazed at him as if he was going to be breakfast. Helping himself to a stack of something that closely resembled whole-wheat pancakes and a cup of the strong, black brew that passed for coffee on the ship, he made his way to the closest table in the huge meal hall.

Making quick work of the food, Jack placed the icepack on his injury and with nothing else to do except head back to the infirmary sat back to watch as the long buffet was taken down. True to form, Daniel wandered in a little too late. Jack grinned as he watched his coffee addicted teammate wheedle a cup of the black stuff out of one of the cafeteria ladies. Apparently it wasn’t too difficult as she disappeared for a minute and returned with not one, but two cups.

Turning to survey the almost empty, airplane hangar sized room Daniel looked surprised to find Jack waving him over. Seemingly oblivious to being ogled by the few remaining patrons as well as the buffet staff, Daniel approached slowly as if in a funk. Careful not to spill a drop from either cup, he placed them both reverently on the table before dropping his pack under the table and meeting the glower aimed unerringly in his direction. He dropped groggily into the chair opposite Jack.

"Janitors?" Jack growled, readjusting the bag of ice in his lap.

Daniel pulled off his glasses and let them clatter to the table. "How was I supposed to know?" he muttered in his own defense. "Service provider. That could have meant anything."

"But it didn’t, did it, Daniel? It meant gigolo, escort, BOY TOY!"

"Shh," Daniel grumbled, surreptitiously looking around to see who might hear.

"They all know what we are," Jack insisted dismally, waving off the curious glances from the half-dozen or so women still lounging around for whatever reason. Most of which continued to not so subtly check them out. "And I’m not even pretty. Talk about exploitation."

"Jack, we’re not the ones being taken advantage of here. In fact, we seem to have stumbled into the pilot’s retirement plan. In our case though, I say it’s more like welfare for useless men."

"Okay, that makes no sense," Jack argued.

"The workers are all female, the pilots are all male."

"Yeah, I got that. So?"

"So just hear me out. All males are trained to be fighter pilots from an early age. They aren’t given any other career option; they either fly or die trying. If they live long enough, they’re downgraded to shuttle pilot eventually."

"And? So? What? When they aren’t able to fly shuttles anymore they kick ‘em over here to the Heracles to sponge off the work force?"

"Exactly."

"And they sell it as some great benefit for the women," Jack nodded, catching on.

"Unfortunately, some of these so called ‘service providers’ are nothing more than sexual predators," Daniel explained solemnly taking his first cup in hand to sniff it. "Worse, if a woman complains, these jerks turn around and report her as uncooperative and it reflects badly on the victim’s psychological profile which is in turn used against them on their job."

"That’s so wrong," Jack grunted with a frown as he once again shifted the ice pack in a vain attempt at comfort. He sat in silence for a minute and watched Daniel drink his coffee. "You missed breakfast."

"Not hungry."

"You look like shit. Bad night?"

"Strange dreams," Daniel said, shaking his head as if to clear it.

"At least you got a shower," Jack observed keenly. "You okay?"

"Uh, let’s see, I’m mortified, humiliated, and embarrassed beyond my wildest expectations. I’ve been ogled, groped, and generally made to feel like a piece of meat, and that was just on the way to the commissary. If I thought Sam and Janet were bad, I was mistaken. At least they kept their hands to themselves. Well, Sam did anyway, but I’m sure Janet was completely professional in her groping," Daniel rambled, making Jack raise an eyebrow.

"But I’m not as bad off as you apparently," Daniel continued, dropping his gaze toward Jack’s lap. "And aren’t you a little worried about," he paused for a second to clear his throat, "um, shrinkage?"

"No," Jack spat out defensively. "Besides, it’s not what you think."

Daniel rubbed his red-rimmed eyes before focusing them solidly on Jack. "Not chafing?"

"No!"

"So what happened?"

"Well, the… uh, client, I suppose we could call her…" Jack began awkwardly, flinching at Daniel’s blatant wince. "Anyway, long story short; this naked old bat was chasing me around, then we fell and she accidentally kneed me in the nuts."

"Ouch," Daniel empathized as he sipped away at his caffeine. "Old and naked? Really?"

"God yes," Jack shuddered visibly. "Tits like tea bags with nipples. It’s been a long, long time since she caught a man, I can tell you that."

"She caught you," Daniel observed meanly.

"Not caught, exactly. More like maimed," Jack declared with a smirk. "But it did get me off of the menu for at least a week."

"So you got hurt right away? I mean, you didn’t have to, uh, perform or… anything?" Daniel questioned carefully, rolling the now almost empty cup between his palms.

"Nah, I was down for the count. I got to spend most of the night in the infirmary, and for once I was grateful. Believe me, I plan to milk this thing for all it’s worth," he added pointing purposefully at his crotch.

"Jack!" Daniel exclaimed with a shocked voice before dissolving into uncharacteristic snickering like a naughty school boy.

"What?" Jack asked innocently as he mentally reviewed his plan. "Oh fer cryin’ out loud," he scolded. "That is not what I meant! Get your mind out of the gutter."

"Sorry," Daniel flashed a quick, but unapologetic grin as he tried to contain his amusement.

Jack narrowed his eyes and studied his teammate closer. "You look like hell, but you’re in a pretty good mood under the circumstances. You went through with it," he hissed accusingly. "You enjoyed it!"

Daniel considered Jack with the ghost of a smile before shrugging one shoulder. He yawned expansively and switched cups.

"Daniel!"

"What? I’m kidding. I didn’t do anything. Besides, I’m pretty sure they were a couple."

"They?" Jack sputtered incredulously.

"Um, yeah… Marlena and Bethel…"

Jack cocked an eyebrow and cleared his throat. "Old maids?" he asked almost hopefully.

"Not really."

"How not really?" Jack demanded.

"I guess Bethel is eighteen? Nineteen, maybe. And Marlena is probably close to thirty in Earth years," Daniel decided thoughtfully before making a dismissive gesture with one hand.

"You guess?" Jack queried, taking a swig from his own cup.

"I don’t know. I was never any good with women’s ages. Besides, I think I’m still stoned."

Coffee came out of Jack’s nose and he coughed profusely for several minutes before he could speak. Daniel shielded his own cup from the spray but looked on sympathetically.

"Stoned?" Jack finally rasped out gruffly.

"I couldn’t help it, Jack. I had to breathe. I fell asleep and when I woke up the room was full of the stuff."

"So I get the frisky seventy-year-old and you get a pair of whacked out lesbians? How is that fair?" Jack muttered raising his eyes to the dull grey ceiling.

"Class structure," Daniel chortled, throwing the earlier conversation in the shuttle bay back at Jack. "It must take a long time to climb to the upper decks around here, Colonel. By the time they get up that high, there’s gonna be some wear and tear."

"Prick," Jack groused unhappily, still coughing slightly.

"Really, Jack, in our line of work, you ought to watch out for shrinkage," Daniel teased mercilessly, draining his second cup.

"Shrinkage," Jack lectured haughtily as he gave up trying to get comfortable and deposited the ice pack despondently on the table, "isn’t permanent. Besides, it’s not the size of the ship, Daniel. It’s the motion of the ocean."

"Yeah, but it takes a hell of a long time to cross an ocean in a rowboat," Daniel smirked.

Jack’s glare lost its edge as his lip mutinously quirked upward. "Damn. I think I like you stoned," he finally admitted with a laugh. "So please, humor me. Tell me all about your evening. Tell me it was awful."

"I had a nice meal, I fell asleep, and when I woke up I was already high as a kite. They burned some plant leaves that had some sort of cannabis slash aphrodisiac affect. After that I’m a little hazy, I must have passed out again ‘cause all I remember is dirty dreams."

"Are you sure you were dreaming?"

"Yeah," Daniel assured. "The most they did was fondle my feet."

"Ew."

Daniel shrugged his eyebrows indicating he didn’t understand that either. "I know. Weird."

"So we both got off easy…" Jack started. "Ack!" he warned, raising a finger as Daniel prepared to pounce on that remark. "We were lucky," he amended irritably.

"Agreed. But we can’t expect our luck to hold out night after night for a whole year. This could get ugly."

"We could just eat in the commissary and then hide out in the ventilation shafts."

"What kind of life would that be? And it’s not like we blend in or anything. I think they’d notice us showing up to eat every day. Besides, this place is only open for breakfast, I asked," Daniel argued. "Although they do offer boxed lunches."

"Great," Jack decided. "We live off stolen sandwiches."

"It wouldn’t be fair to steal from these people, Jack, and we did promise to pull our weight. There has to be something else we can legitimately do. I don’t think either one of us is cut out to be a service provider."

"You said that the men are always pilots, and we aren’t qualified," Jack reminded him. "What else can we do?"

"I don’t know. Obviously, they don’t share our sense of morality when it comes to…you know."

"Whoring around?"

"It’s not whoring around."

"Isn’t it? We just fuck for food and shelter instead of money."

Daniel sighed wearily, rubbing his eyes again. "Still, who are we to question the way they do things?"

"You question things all the time," Jack pointed out. "Maybe it’s time to challenge the system?"

"Maybe," Daniel allowed, a frown creasing his forehead as a familiar face appeared in the doorway. He opened his mouth with a warning, but it was too late.

"Sir!" Sam called as she entered the dining facility causing Jack to jump guiltily. "Daniel!"

"Carter!" Jack greeted glancing around furtively for anyone who might inadvertently spill the beans about their new occupations. "I thought you were boarded on the other ship?"

"Yes, sir, I am. But I heard there was an accident. I came as soon as I could get a shuttle. The doctor told me I could find you here."

"Good news travels fast, I see," Jack grumbled miserably, wondering what else had reached his 2IC’s ears.

Daniel valiantly fought down a grin and ducked his head, suddenly fascinated by the worn tabletop.

"I’m fine," Jack assured, kicking Daniel under the table as he made a show of placing the ice pack on his elbow.

"What happened?" Sam asked solicitously, taking the seat on the other side of Daniel, who was busy rubbing his shin and shooting daggers at Jack.

"Well, you see… I was…uh…" he shot a desperate look at the linguist.

"Injured in the line of duty," Daniel declared honestly.

"Well, I already figured that," Sam said, rolling her eyes at the stalling techniques.

"I fell," Jack lied, making another pass with his foot at Daniel’s leg for not coming up with anything better. He missed and kicked Daniel’s pack instead, knocking it out from under the table.

Daniel drunkenly watched the pack slide away but made no move to retrieve it.

"Sir?" Sam asked, sounding suspicious.

"Like I said, I’m fine. Daniel’s fine. We’re fine. How are you?"

"Fine, but…"

"Glad to hear it. Teal’c okay?"

"Yes, sir, as far as I know he’s fine…"

"Good. So we’re all fine."

"Okay," Sam sighed, evidently relieved if somewhat baffled by her CO’s behavior. "Good. I was worried, about both of you."

"We know," Daniel chimed in, wearing his best ‘earnest’ expression. "And we appreciate your concern. But we’re perfectly safe over here. All we have to worry about is little old ladies who… Ow! Jack! Would you stop doing that?" he finished, pulling both legs up into the chair and out of Jack’s reach. "I wasn’t gonna tell," he stage whispered angrily.

Sam narrowed her eyes. "Tell what? What exactly is it you do?"

"We do our jobs, isn’t that right, Pretty Boy?" Jack glared warningly.

Daniel pouted as he rubbed his shin, realizing even in his current state that he couldn’t out Jack’s job without outing his own as well.

"Which is?" Sam pressed.

"Janitors," the two men insisted simultaneously.

"Janitors?" Sam echoed in disbelief. "That’s what you do?"

"Not much use for linguists around here, apparently," Daniel grumbled, dropping his feet back to the floor with a baleful look at Jack.

"Or Air Force Colonels," Jack agreed unhappily. "But there are always decks to be swabbed," he added with a sneer in Daniel’s direction.

Daniel barked out a laugh. "Row, row, row your boat," he muttered, earning another glare from Jack.

Sam looked from one to the other before deciding to change the subject. "Um, Colonel, I may have good news for you."

"What’s that, Major? I could use some good news right about now."

"Well, it seems one of the shuttle pilots had a little accident," she said, almost pulling off the innocent routine.

"Jack already washed out of the pilot program," Daniel reminded them, looking suspiciously into his empty cup and seeming to pale a little.

"Yes, but the shuttles don’t have the same antigravity device as the fighters."

"What?" Jack snapped. "Why didn’t they tell me that before?"

"Because they didn’t need any shuttle pilots at the time."

"And now they do? What kind of little accident?"

Sam looked away.

"Carter?" Jack asked again, making the one little word sound an awful lot like an order.

"I didn’t hurt him…that bad," Sam admitted sheepishly, her cheeks turning a nice shade of pink.

"You’re not in trouble, are you?" Daniel asked worriedly, fighting past his own sudden nausea. He hid his shaking hands under the table but they didn’t stay there long as he began to fidget.

"No. The coward didn’t want anyone to know he’d been taken out by a woman. He made up some cock and bull story about falling..." she trailed off, eyeing Jack suspiciously again.

"What’d you do to him?" Jack redirected skillfully before she could ask him to repeat his own tale.

"I, uh, fractured his kneecap."

"And a service provider is born. Poor bastard," Jack uttered dramatically, placing a hand over his heart. "So what’d he do to earn it? Get fresh?"

Sam snorted audibly. "Get fresh?" she echoed in disbelief.

"You know what I mean."

"Yes sir, he got fresh, but he regretted it immediately. Apparently, the women outnumbered the men at least three to one on Theseus. The pilots are in big demand and they’re used to getting their way."

"That’s nothing," Daniel murmured incoherently as he rested his head on his forearms. "Three hundred to one over here."

"I’m sorry, Daniel, I didn’t hear you," Sam said reaching out to stroke the back of his head. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Never mind him," Jack interrupted. "He had a rough night. What did Lorna say about me flying a shuttle?"

"She said yes. Now we just have to find a job for Daniel so we’ll all be on the same ship."

"Yeah," Jack agreed. "In the meantime, we need to think of something to keep him out of trouble tonight."

"What do you mean?"

"I don’t feel very well," Daniel groaned into the crook of one of his arms.

"Right!" Jack approved heartily. "That’s good, Daniel. Keep that up."

"No, Jack, I really don’t feel good. I think I’m coming down. Or maybe I drank too much coffee. I feel really shaky. And sick."

"Coming down?" Sam asked, thinking maybe she hadn’t heard right.

"Fumes," Jack assured smoothly, shooting a concerned, sideways glance at his ill archeologist. "You think you can make it to the infirmary? It’s not far."

Daniel raised his head slightly and squinted in Jack’s general direction. "I’ll be alright."

"You misunderstood me," Jack corrected as he collected Daniel’s glasses off the table and slipped them into his own pocket. "It wasn’t a question of if you need to go, that much is obvious. I want to know if you can make it on your own or do we need to carry you?"

"What about your injured… elbow?" Daniel asked, feeling a little worse as he straightened up, deciding the infirmary didn’t sound so bad after all.

"Don’t worry about my elbow," Jack shot back. "Carter, help him up."

Sam slid a hand under Daniel’s arm and steadied him as he struggled to his feet. "How’s that?" She asked. Reluctantly, she released him at his nod, even though he still felt wobbly to her. "Daniel?"

"Oh," Daniel said simply as he dropped like a stone, luckily hitting his head on his backpack instead of the floor.

Jack grimaced as he forced himself out of his seat to glance over the top of the table at his fallen comrade. "Off the menu," he mumbled under his breath. "Medic?" he called out a little louder, gratified to see someone go for help.

"He’s out cold, sir," Sam informed Jack as she gently rolled Daniel onto his side, sliding a hand to his neck to feel his rapid but steady pulse.

Within minutes the emergency team arrived and set about getting Daniel loaded onto a high-tech gurney, efficiently checking him over as they went. Jack was relieved not to see the same lovely faces who had rescued him only the night before. He gathered his icepack and limped along behind the stretcher when they set out for the infirmary.

"How’s your elbow?" Sam asked cynically, following along with Daniel’s pack.

"Knee," Jack lied boldly, changing his story. "It’s my knee."

"Daniel? Daniel, wake up!"

Pulling a pillow over his head, Daniel let out a groan and tried to roll over. Insistent hands kept him on his back and the pillow was summarily plucked out of his grip. "Wha…?" Daniel managed as he squinted up into the two blobs that might have been faces hovering above him.

"Doctor Jackson, meet Doctor Mary," Jack’s voice chirped happily.

"Just Mary," the other blob replied dryly. "Doctor is a job description here, not a title."

"Whatever," Jack snarked as he tried to slip Daniel’s glasses onto his face, inadvertently poking him in the eye as he did.

"Ow," Daniel complained, reaching up to complete the task himself. The blobs quickly transformed into Jack and a very attractive brown-eyed woman. He blinked at Jack before turning to the woman. "Mary? Just… Mary?"

"Be warned, she makes Fraiser look like Mother Teresa," Jack cautioned out of the side of his mouth. "Listen, I’ve gotta go. Doctor Mary is releasing me and I’ve gotta go learn to fly a shuttle today."

"Sam?"

"She had to go back this morning for her shift. You’ve been out for awhile," Jack explained. "Doc here says you’re gonna be fine, but I didn’t want to leave without talking to you first. Don’t worry, we’ll get you over to the Theseus before you have to… go back to work," he assured earnestly.

"Mmm, ’kay," came the muttered response as Daniel closed his eyes and tried to drift away again.

"Daniel," Jack said softly, pausing until a hazy blue gaze settled on him. "I’ll be back at the end of my shift. Stay out of trouble while I’m gone." The innocent ‘who me’ expression didn’t reassure Jack in the least. "Crap. Do you want me to stay?"

"No, I’ll be okay," Daniel assured, forcing his eyes to stay open and sounding much more like his usual self. "Can I have some coffee?"

"No!" Jack insisted loudly, giving Daniel a resolute squeeze on the arm.

"That was part of your problem," Mary lectured as she tried to circumvent the adamant colonel. "Our oral stimulant is apparently much stronger than yours."

"You overdosed and fried your circuits," Jack clarified unnecessarily, still standing in the way, "and on only two cups. Given your habit, I find that hard to believe."

"Four," Daniel corrected, sitting up and swinging his feet over the edge of the bed woozily. "I had coffee with Marlena before I went to the commissary."

"You’re going to miss your shuttle," Mary advised Jack bitingly as she edged her way in and began to examine her patient. Forcing Daniel’s head back she peered into his red and blue eyes, lifting one lid and then the other with her thumb.

"Pushy broad," Jack snipped. "I’ll be back as soon as I can," he said patting Daniel’s shoulder. "I mean it…"

"…stay out of trouble," Daniel completed for him with a quicksilver grin as Mary palpated his neck.

Jack pointed at him meaningfully as he backed out of the room, clearly in much better shape than the last time Daniel had seen him.

"Mary, that’s uh, that’s a very common name where we come from," Daniel began as he tried to focus his attention on the doctor. "In fact it’s religiously significant in some cultures."

"It’s just a name," Mary informed him distractedly as she placed an object on his chest that amplified his heart sounds until they were audible. She moved it over one side of his chest and then the other, nodding in satisfaction that his lungs were clear. When she finished, she set the device aside and fixed Daniel with a cool stare. "I am aware that you did not complete your assigned task."

"What do you mean?" Daniel queried cautiously, aware that he was not fully alert just yet.

"I mean you didn’t perform your duties as a service provider."

"Yes, I did," Daniel obfuscated, cognizant enough to realize that he and Bethel could both be in trouble.

"I know for a fact that you did not."

"You can’t tell that by looking," Daniel started, pulling the sheet higher into his lap. "Exactly what kind of exam did you do?" he challenged indignantly.

"And if that’s not bad enough," Mary continued, unfazed by Daniel’s offended sensibilities, "your blood also contains traces of a biological toxin and an illegal substance."

"So I not only overdosed, I was also drugged and poisoned?" Daniel asked in confusion.

"You’re saying you didn’t knowingly smoke lithalar leaves or ingest an indigenous sea creature from the planet?"

"Litha… lithalar leaves? Oh, wait, the incense," Daniel remembered, leveling an assessing gaze at the doctor.

"I have already confirmed that Marlena and Bethel partook as well. I have examined both of them."

"They didn’t mean to," Daniel covered, not liking where the conversation was headed. "It was mine."

"What was?" Mary interrogated.

"The fish. And… and the litha… lithaberry bush," he stammered. "They didn’t know."

"Doctor…"

"Daniel. Just Daniel, and please, don’t get Marlena and Bethel in trouble because I passed out."

"Rules are rules," Mary argued.

"Yes, but some of your rules, pardon the Jackism, suck. Hasn’t Bethel been through enough? What else can you possibly do to her to make her life more miserable?"

"Doctor Jackson, our society is dependent on rules. They must be obeyed if we are to survive. Our people do not question what is asked of them. It is not for me to decide who is to be punished and who gets away with breaking the rules. Marlena and Bethel will be sent to Theseus to appear before Assembly."

"They didn’t do anything," Daniel railed.

"They hurt you," Mary pointed out firmly. "Even if they didn’t mean to."

"No, no they didn’t. I’m fine. Besides, I told you, the stuff was mine. If you have to punish someone, punish me."

Mary harrumphed and placed her hands on her hips. "You are every bit as exasperating as Colonel O’Neill."

"Please, Mary," Daniel beseeched, "just this once, look the other way."

"No."

"Aurgh," Daniel growled, flopping back to the bed in agitation. "Don’t you know what happened to Bethel? Don’t you care?" he asked, his voice rising with his temper.

The doctor stalked to the door, but instead of leaving she closed it and stabbed at the keypad a couple of times to lock it. She appeared pensive as she wandered back toward the bed.

Daniel sat up again, narrowing his eyes as he took a more thorough appraisal of her. "You were testing me," he exclaimed softly, forcing himself fully awake for what he was certain would be an important conversation.

"I treated Bethel for her injuries at that time. They were horrific. I feared she would not physically be able to return to work," Mary said, closing her eyes and fighting to reign in her emotions. "And then when they… they punished her for what that bastard did to her, I lost control. I let my anger get the better of me and I fought the Assembly. Suddenly my job was in jeopardy as well."

Clenching his jaw, Daniel looked away.

"When I heard that she had submitted again, I was shocked," Mary continued a little calmer. "No doubt she had been pressured into it. But I was even more stunned when I saw her last cycle."

"You saw her yesterday? She’s okay?" Daniel asked anxiously.

Mary nodded with a dumbfounded expression on her face. "She was practically giddy. She spoke nothing but praises of you. More surprisingly, Marlena agreed with her."

"So you’re not gonna turn them in?"

"No," Mary assured handing over a small square piece of paper. "They said you were different. I just had to be sure."

Daniel accepted the photo hesitantly, noting it had been touched a lot since he’d last seen it. "I don’t understand."

"You are a worlder," Mary explained, once again taking the well worn picture and slipping it into her pocket. "The Sisterhood needs your help."

As Jack stepped into the cargo hold of the shuttle he was greeted by a pilot he had seen in passing on board Theseus. "Hey," he mumbled in greeting, feeling like a shit for leaving Daniel behind. "Jack O’Neill."

"Kelton," the younger man replied with a grin. "Are you ready for your first lesson?"

"Now?" Jack asked in surprise.

"Sure, no time like the present. We cross this little expanse of space at least three times a cycle. It’s ideal for training. You can change into a flight suit back there."

"Cool," Jack exclaimed, suddenly feeling a little more chipper.

Taking a break, Sam was watching a less than spectacular landing from across the shuttle bay when a familiar form appeared on the deck below her. She smiled and waved as Teal’c was easily recognizable even from a hundred meters away. She called out to Steis that she’d be back shortly, climbed down the ladder, and trotted across the open floor to meet him half way.

"Major Carter," Teal’c greeted, obviously happy to see her in his own stoic, Jaffa way.

"Teal’c," she breathed, patting him affectionately on the arm. "God, I’ve missed you! I can’t believe we’re so isolated from each other on the same ship."

"I have attempted to contact you during my down time, but I have found it much easier to speak than to achieve."

"Easier said than done?" Sam quipped with a smile. "But I know what you mean. This place is a mad house."

"Indeed," Teal’c agreed with contempt. "However I believe there is a pleasant surprise arriving as we speak," he informed her, his lip edging up slightly as he led her closer to the arrival area.

"Not on that shuttle, I hope," Sam shuddered, watching as it powered down. "It looked like that pilot had never landed before."

As they turned to inspect the shuttle in question the door latches released with a hiss and Jack appeared just inside wearing an ear-to-ear grin. When he spotted them, he waved excitedly. "Did you see that?" he shouted proudly. "That was me!"

"Oh, boy," Sam sighed. "Maybe I’d better have another talk with Lorna."

Teal’c raised an eyebrow. "O’Neill’s flying abilities will improve with sufficient practice," he offered supportively, even as doubt clearly registered on his normally passive face. "Provided he survives the training," he added after some thought, turning to acknowledge their very own shuttle pilot as he jogged over.

"Hey!" Jack greeted enthusiastically as he skidded to a halt in front of them. "Teal’c how’re they treatin’ ya? Are you playing nice with the other warriors?"

"They are children," Teal’c sniffed disdainfully. "They would benefit from the services of a Jaffa master. I question their ability to guard against attack."

"Don’t say services," Jack shuddered.

"How’s Daniel?" Sam cut in worriedly. "Is he still in the infirmary?"

"What has happened to Daniel Jackson?" Teal’c questioned, showing a glimmer of his protective side and more than a little annoyance at having been left out of the loop.

"He’s alright," Jack assured. "You know Daniel has a thing for