|
Goldie
Locks and the Three Bears
As Told by Simon Banks
by Kikkimax
Simon looked up at the tentative knock on his door. "Enter," he
said gruffly. "Is Emma gone?" he asked when he realized it was
Jim.
"Yeah, Sandburg took her home. Sorry she kept me so busy this
morning," Jim said, noticing with a grin that Simon had taped the rainbow/flower/pig
crayon work of art to his filing cabinet.
"She's a handful all right. Are you sure Sandburg can handle her
alone?"
"Oh, yeah. He's great with her. You should have seen him last night. He
fed her and gave her a bath before I got home. Then he tucked her in and told
her a story," Jim remembered with a wistful tone of voice.
"You could do all that," Simon replied evenly, sensing a need in his
detective.
"Nah, I don't even know any stories," Jim muttered, taking one of
the chairs across from Simon. They sat silently for a minute, Simon hiding a
grin behind his cigar. "Did you ever tell Daryl bedtime stories?" Jim
asked at last, with a great amount of effort.
"Sure I did."
"Oh."
"Want to hear one?"
"Well, er, not for me. But if you told me one, I could, you know, pass
it on to Emma," Jim answered hopefully.
Simon picked up the phone. "Rhonda, make sure we're not disturbed for a
few minutes," he said and hung up.
Jim glanced at the bullpen then pulled out a pen and note pad.
Simon laughed. "I don't think you need that. It's pretty simple,"
he said. He cleared his throat dramatically and began. "You see, once there
was a little girl with a history of breaking and entering. She had a rap sheet
was as long as my arm. Mostly B and E, but a couple counts of shoplifting. Bad
seed, see? Anyway, as she was loitering in the woods one day, she came across a
house where the inhabitants had been careless, and didn't use their deadbolts.
Using a credit card, she jimmied the lock."
Jim put down his pen and smiled. Okay, this wouldn't be so hard after all.
"Once she cased the place and didn't find anything to steal, she
realized she was hungry and tired. She sat in all the chairs until she
found one she liked, but she broke that one. Technically, it wasn't really
vandalism since it was an accident. Then she started to eat the food that was
left out. Oatmeal, I think. Anyway, one was too hot, one was too cold, but she
ate all of the last one because it was just right.
"Then she wandered around until she found the bedroom. The first bed was
too hard. It reminded her too much of the bunk in her cell the last time she was
in jail. The second one was too soft, like a mattress in the no-tell hotel. But
the last one was just right, so she crawled in and went to sleep.
"About this time, the residents came home. They knew something was up so
Papa Bear went high with his .45, Mama Bear went low with her .38, and Baby Bear
followed with his semi-automatic assault rifle. Papa Bear examined his chair.
'We'll dust it for prints' he said. Mama Bear found a long blonde hair on her
chair and placed it in an evidence bag. 'I think I've got carpet fiber,' Baby
Bear said when he examined his broken chair.
"'Someone's been eating my oatmeal,' Papa Bear said. 'Someone's been
eating my oatmeal,' Mama Bear said. 'Someone ate all of my oatmeal, but I think
we can get saliva for DNA testing,' Baby Bear said.
"They entered the bedroom and Papa Bear announced that someone had been
in his bed. After Mama Bear hit Papa Bear in the head, she realized that someone
had been in her bed as well. 'Somebody's been sleeping in my bed, and that somebody's
still here!' Baby Bear said. They proceeded to slowly close in on the bed
surrounding her... FREEZE!" Simon shouted.
Jim jumped, startled.
"If the kid's asleep," Simon said slyly, taking a long drag off of
his cigar. "You might want to skip that last part."
"So what happened?"
"They caught her after a high speed chase. She's doing five to ten in
Alcatraz."
"Alcatraz is closed," Jim said.
"Yeah, I know. It's a fairy tale, Jim. They all lived happily ever
after."
The End
|
