"What makes you so sure?"

Tony counted off on his fingers. "One: the parade of limousines filled with: two: wealthy older ladies who leave with: three: the young men who seem to live at the mansion. And the piece de resistance: four: the men return a few hours later, or in some cases a few days, alone, by cab. You do the math."

"Maybe," Kate allowed, keeping an edge of skepticism in her tone. "It just seems so… sordid."

"Would you be happier if the gender roles were reversed?" McGee asked earnestly, eliciting a grin of approval from Tony.

"No," Kate sighed. "So what are you saying? You think Private Edmunds decided to dump the Corp for life as a gigolo?"

"More money," Tony guessed. "Certainly better fringe benefits."

"I don’t know about that," Gibbs disagreed with a smirk. "Why would anyone rather sit around a pool all day than slog through a swamp with a forty pound ruck on his back?"

"Spoken like a true jarhead," Kate teased.

Tony laughed as he tugged the folder out of Kate’s hand and slid it across Gibbs’ desk. "Well, at least Marines get combat pay. Did you get a gander at some of these old battle axes?"

"Tony!"

"I’m just sayin‘, Kate," Tony tried to smooth her ruffled feathers, "It would be like kissing your grandmother."

"Get back to the case," Gibbs ordered as he opened the folder for another look. "Spell it out. What exactly have we got?"

"A UA Marine in an Armani suit floating face down in the river," McGee provided succinctly.

"And absolutely nothing that connects him to this place except a bad FBI surveillance photo that might or might not be him entering the back gate the day he went missing," Kate pointed out. "Certainly not enough for a search warrant. And as far as we know his death could have been an accident."

"You think he went to a yacht party and took a header over the rail when no one was looking?" Tony asked.

Kate shrugged in response. "It’s possible."

"I’m afraid not, my dear," Ducky said with a sigh as he joined the group. "The cause of our young man’s demise was blunt force trauma to the back of the head. There were three distinct blows with an as yet unidentified object."

"So murder, then."

"Uh, yeah. Unless he fell on his head three times," Tony mocked, earning an elbow to the gut before Kate went back to her desk. "Ooof."

"All right," Gibbs said as he got up. "We’ll check out, what’s the name of the place? The Fontaine Estate?"

"That’s right."

"Okay, Kate, you’re with me. DiNozzo, toss Edmunds’ bunk then talk to his buddies and see if they know anything."

"On it, Boss."

"What about me?" McGee asked.

"Get with Abby and clean up those stills. And while you’re at it try to ID some of those other men."

"You think there might be more Marines in the mix?" Kate questioned.

"I don’t know, Kate, that’s why McGee is going to check it out," Gibbs replied as he checked his weapon. "Now, DiNozzo," he added, wiping the smirk off Tony’s face and spurring him into action.

"I’m gone," Tony called over his backpack on the way out.

"So the last time you saw him was Monday week?" Tony sat on crate in the work area as he made notes. Edmunds’ squad had been curious, concerned even as he tossed the young marine’s room but certainly cooperative and more than willing to answer his questions. Screw with one jarhead and you screw with them all.

The grunt across from him scratched the stubble on the side of his nearly shaved head, careful not to smear the camo paint on his face. "Yes sir. He didn’t show up for PT that Tuesday."

Tony glanced from face to face. "Had he ever done that before?"

"Oh yeah, he hated PT so nobody thought much of it," a younger guy explained.

"He was a goldbricker,” the lieutenant said, not pulling any punches. “If it wasn’t one thing it was another. He spent half his time in sickbay and the other half on extra duty."

"Extra duty? Like for punishment?" Tony asked.

"Yeah. The kid was always in trouble."

"So it’s safe to assume he was somewhat dissatisfied with the military life." Tony grinned a little at the round of laughter.

"That’s an understatement. Nick only joined up because his old man pressured him into it. All he ever talked about was getting out."

"Look, man, we gotta go," the gruffest of the bunch, a sergeant, probably the squad leader said, thumbing over his shoulder towards the woods. "We’ve got an exercise in twenty minutes and we need to gear up."

"You want me to get you out of it?" Tony offered. "We can take this down to NCIS."

"Hell no!" the grunt balked. "We live for this shit. Boo-yah!"

"Boo-yah!" the others joined in enthusiastically. The lieutenant nodded in approval.

Tony grinned and shook his head. "You guys are hard core. Go on. I’ll come back if I need anything else."

The group gathered their rucksacks and walked away but a young guy lingered. "Agent DiNozzo? Nick wasn’t a bad guy; he just wasn’t cut out for the Corp."

"Yeah?" Tony closed his notebook and got up but made an effort to keep an open expression on his face. "You’re Collins, right? Edmunds’ roommate?"

"Yes sir." The marine studied Tony seriously, his eyes unnaturally blue surrounded by the black, tan, and green paint. "Nick… he uh, he gave me a card with the name of a men’s store on it the day before he left. He said if I ever got tired of grunt work I should look him up. He said I shouldn’t tell nobody else. Do you think that might help?"

"It just might. Do you still have the card?"

Collins dug a well-worn business card out of his front pocket. "Yeah, he said to give this to someone at the front desk and they’d get me in touch with the right people."

Tony let out a low whistle as he read the card. "Yeah. I’ve heard of this place. It’s pretty high-end. Thanks."

"You gonna find out what happened to Nick?"

"Yeah," Tony promised as he pulled out his phone. "We’ll figure it out."

Undeterred by Gibbs’ glare the gate guard remained firm. "I’m sorry, Sir," he said for the third time, obviously not sorry at all. "This is private property. If you don’t have an appointment I can’t let you in."

"An appointment with who?"

"With whom," the guard corrected. "And if you don’t even know with whom you

need the appointment, you don’t really need to see them, do you? Now please, Sir, you’re blocking the drive."

"We’ll be back with a search warrant," Gibbs threatened as he pocketed his badge.

"If you had grounds for a warrant you’d have one already," the guard assured, unmoved. "Have a nice day. Sir."

Gibbs threw the car into reverse. "Don’t call me Sir," he grumbled as he rapidly backed out of the drive onto the road.

"Wow. Talk about a military bearing. Ex-marine?" Kate asked, glancing over her shoulder at the burly guard as they sped away.

"Army."

"How do you know?"

"Special Forces tat on his forearm," Gibbs supplied gruffly as he waved to the FBI agents in the non-descript car parked across the street. He faked a smile as they took his picture then floored the sedan to go around a slow moving pick-up truck.

Kate grabbed the dash with both hands. "There’s got to be a way in." She gasped as they swerved back into their own lane to avoid a white stretch limousine coming from the other direction.

Gibbs slowed the car to a crawl to watch in the rearview mirror as the limo pulled into the drive. The driver of the pick-up slammed on his breaks then honked his horned and gave them the finger as he maneuvered around them. Gibbs ignored the gesture and nodded to himself as the limo stopped only briefly before disappearing through the gate.

"Oh, there’s a way in," Gibb said. "We just need to figure out with whom to make an appointment." He took off again at top speed ending up right on the pickup’s tailgate within seconds.

"You know Gibbs, sometimes there’s a good reason for road rage," Kate observed as she clenched her eyelids and held on.

"Damn right there is," Gibbs agreed. His cell rang as he flew around the truck in his way for the second time. "Get that," he ordered, tossing Kate the phone.

Kate opened her eyes and scrambled for it. "Hello?"

"You can tell that from one word, DiNozzo?"

"Are you kidding? We didn’t even get past the gate."

"Yeah, but we’re headed back to the office now."

"Do you have the address?"

McGee unconsciously bounced his head in time to the blaring music as his fingers beat out their own rhythm on the keyboard. Looking up he noticed Abby on the phone in her office. "What’s up?" he asked loudly when she finally came back to the lab.

"Tony located Edmund’s contact in Fairfax," Abby shouted in return. "Gibbs and Kate are going to check it out. Did you find anything?"

I’m still running the facial recognition software but I did get a hit on the FBI’s database. This guy," he said pointing out a nearly naked young man stretched out on chaise lounge by the pool. "Ian Lane."

"Mmm," Abby approved. "Pretty."

"You mean petty. As in thief. He’s already done a nickel at FSP in Arizona on some breaking and entering charges in his late teens and recently became a person of interest to the FBI."

"For what?"

"I can’t seem to find out exactly. It’s classified. But he’s probably the reason they put the place under surveillance."

"Gah. He’s just a baby. How old is he?"

"Twenty-six."

"They all look so young," Abby agreed as she flicked through the printouts for the third time, stopping to admire a particularly buff guy in a yellow Speedo.

"It’s a sock," McGee huffed to himself as he turned back to his monitor but Abby couldn’t hear him for the music.

"This the place?" Gibbs asked as he pulled in next to the curb.

"Yep. Suitably Impressed."

Gibbs wrinkled his nose as he stared at the fashionably dressed art deco mannequins in the front window. "What kind of man would shop here?"

"Tony would," Kate said.

"Yeah, he would," Gibbs agreed with a snort. "Let’s go."

They got out of the car and entered the shop through the front door. "Can I help you?" a snooty older lady asked from behind the counter as soon as the bell rang.

"Special Agents Gibbs and Todd," Gibbs told her as he flashed his badge.

"NCIS."

"NCIS?"

"Naval Criminal Investigative Service."

"Yes?" She looked unimpressed.

"Have you seen this man?" Kate asked, holding up Private Edmunds’ service photo.

"Young lady," the woman sneered. "I assure you, men such as that don’t shop here."

"What kind of men do shop here?" Gibbs asked.

"Men with taste." The woman cast a disparaging glance at Gibbs’ chinos.

Gibbs treated her to an indifferent stare. "The Fontaine Estate isn’t far from here. There seem to be a lot of men with taste residing there. You wouldn’t know anything about that would you?"

"Did you find anything at the boutique?" Tony asked as Kate and Gibbs filed back to their respective desks and put away their weapons.

"Boutique?" Gibbs asked acerbically.

"Specialty men’s store?" Tony amended without blinking.

"What’s so special about it? Besides a bunch of overpriced, sissy clothes?"

"I wouldn’t know," Tony denied, turning to Kate instead. "Did you find anything?"

"Well the manager was very evasive. I definitely think she was hiding something."

"Oh, yeah," Gibbs concurred. "There’s a connection somewhere between that store and the estate. Tony, I want you to find out everything you can about…"

"Well the estate has been in Julius Fontaine’s family for two generations," Tony said smugly as he clicked the remote. A picture of the main house appeared on the flat screen sans half-naked young men. "Julius, an only child, married late in life and never had any children thus ending the Fontaine blood line.”

"Is that what’s going to happen to the DiNozzo blood line?" Abby baited as she followed McGee to his desk.

"No." Tony grinned back at her. "But I do plan on delaying the inevitable as long as possible."

"Who knows how many little DiNozzos are out there already," Kate teased.

Tony growled back at her playfully. "Bite your tongue, woman." At Gibbs’ glare he turned back to the screen and picked up where he left off without missing a beat. "Julius died a year and a half ago at the ripe old age of eighty-three leaving everything to his relatively young wife, Elizabeth."

"Tony!" Kate objected when with a flick of his wrist he put up a faded photo of a scantily clan Las Vegas show girl.

"Meet Janie Beth Burger. This was taken sometime in the late seventies. She was an up and coming dancer until an ACL injury and a quack orthopedist side-lined her career. Fast forward a couple of years. After several arrests for prostitution Janie Beth moved east. She eventually showed up in Boston where she had a long hospital stay after getting the crap beat out of her by either her pimp or a disgruntled John."

"Which?" Gibbs asked.

"Don’t know. According to the police report she changed her story a dozen times before dropping it altogether. So probably the pimp."

"Are you going somewhere with this?"

"I’m getting there, Boss. You need the back-story to really appreciate the information. Have patience."

Kate harrumphed quietly.

"The next time Miss Burger is arrested is in Baltimore. By now she’s the widow of retired Navy Commander named James Moore who was killed in a freak but very public boating accident only months after the wedding. And this particular arrest was not for prostitution but for promoting prostitution."

"She became a madam," McGee guessed.

"Give the Probie a cookie."

"A madam with two rich, dead husbands," Gibbs said.

"Three," Tony corrected. "She was also briefly married to a Richard Culpepper, only thirty-five years her senior. Each husband was richer and in worse health than the last. But she only seems to run houses between husbands, never concurrently."

"Black widow," Kate muttered.

Tony shrugged. "Culpepper had severe emphysema, Fontaine heart disease. But Elizabeth, as she now calls herself, was sole heir in all three cases."

"How much money are we talking?" Gibbs questioned.

"A lot." Tony clicked the remote again and brought up a beautiful, sophisticated woman of undetermined age.

"She’s had some work done," Kate observed wryly.

"Ya think?"

"I suspect if you pulled one suture her whole body would fall apart," Tony said with a smirk. "One more face lift and her ears are gonna meet at the back of her head. If she…"

"We get it, Tony."

"So why is she still working?" McGee asked reasonably. "I mean why risk jail time with all that money?"

"Once a working girl always a working girl?" Abby postulated.

"Who knows," Tony said as he hit the remote one more time and settled on the edge of his desk. "But it’s probably the same reason she owns a men’s boutique. Store. Whatever."

"Impressive," Kate grinned as she recognized the shop.

"So the question is, has she always had male prostitutes?" Abby asked with a leer.

"Nope. It looks like she’s found a new niche for herself."

"Killing Marines?" Gibbs asked.

"Well she’s certainly cold hearted enough," Kate huffed. "But why recruit him if she’s going to turn around and kill him?"

"That’s what we’re going to find out. McGee? You ID any more of our boy toys?"

"We did. We used the facial recognition program to compare recent UA servicemen to the surveillance photos but came up empty. However we did get a couple hits from local law enforcement and the FBI databank." McGee typed on his keyboard then caught the remote Tony tossed him. "Joshua Caster, small time hood," he identified a blond man in a yellow bathing suit.

"Big time banana hammock," Abby added, grinning ear to ear at Gibbs’ double take.

"I wonder if they have to pay extra for that?" Tony joked. "He should have gone into porn instead."

"It’s a sock," McGee muttered before moving on to the next picture. "Ian Lane also has a record."

"McGee thinks Ian is the reason the FBI is permanently parked across the street from the mansion but they won’t confirm or deny our suspicions. And I did a few more photo enhancements. It’s not a sock." Abby took over the remote and made a slideshow of the sunbathing young men.

Gibbs moved closer to the screen as the hard bodies flashed by. "I don’t think Mrs. Fontaine is going to give us an appointment."

"We could send Tony on a shopping spree," Kate suggested.

"The store’s just the jumping off point," Gibbs argued. "We’re not going to learn anything there. We need someone inside the mansion."

"Undercover?" Tony asked as he whisked out the calling card Collins had given him and held it up between two fingers. "I am so up for this, Boss."

McGee bristled visibly. "Why Tony?" he demanded as he stood up.

"Because Kate doesn’t have the right equipment," Tony deadpanned.

"Why not Tony?" Gibbs asked, turning his attention to McGee.

McGee only hesitated briefly before squaring his chin and answering. "He’s too old."

"I’m too what?!” Tony sputtered indignantly. “How do you figure that, Probie?"

"These men are early to mid-twenties," McGee stood his ground. "You… uh, aren’t."

"And you think you can pass for a gigolo?"

"Easier than you can pass for twenty-five."

"Boss," Tony pleaded, cocking his head to the side in disbelief as he pointed with both hands at the object of his disdain. "You can’t seriously be considering sending in the Probie."

"I’ve got to learn some time," McGee stood his ground.

"Tim, this woman might very well be capable of murder," Kate put in worriedly.

"And she could murder Tony just as easily as she could me."

"This is what I do, McGee,” Tony explained in a plaintive tone just short of angry. “I’m not going to make some rookie mistake and get myself killed. And you don’t ever see me trying to out-geek you on the computer."

"Like you could," McGee scoffed.

"Enough!"

"Boss," Tony threw in once more, gesturing emphatically between himself and McGee.

"Do you think you’re ready for undercover work, McGee?" Gibbs queried while glaring at Tony until he dropped his defiant gaze. "That’s not why I hired you, you know."

"Am I a real field agent?" McGee asked softly. "Or am I just the office geek? If I am a real agent then I need to expand my experience."

"Point taken," Gibbs granted. "I agree. DiNozzo."

"Yeah, Boss," Tony answered in resignation.

"I’m putting him in your hands. Go somewhere quiet and show him the ropes. We’ll attempt to send him in in the morning."

Tony nodded solemnly as he caught McGee’s eye. "Let’s go, Probalicious."

"Where?" McGee asked excitedly as he shut down his computer and gathered his things.

"My place," Tony replied with a sigh as he shouldered his pack. "It’s gonna be a long night."

"Thanks, Tony. Boss."

"If you get yourself killed I will kick your ass," Gibbs warned.

"Go get ‘em, McGee," Abby cheered as Tony led the way to the elevator.

Kate turned to Gibbs as soon as the doors slid closed behind them. "Are you sure about this?"

"McGee’s right, he’s got to learn some time."

"Yeah, but DiNozzo?"

"Tony’ll teach him right," Abby stated matter-of-factly.

"DiNozzo is the best undercover agent I’ve ever worked with," Gibbs agreed. “And don’t either of you ever repeat that, understood?"

“Aye, aye, Gibbs,” Abby said with a giggle.

Kate just rolled her eyes. “Like I’d ever tell DiNozzo something like that. His ego’s through the roof as it is.”

***

McGee checked his watch. It was already late and he didn’t feel like they were getting anywhere. "Maybe I’m not going to be any good at this."

"You’re fine. You just need to work on your story." Tony sounded tired but he was being more patient than McGee ever would have imagined.

"I’m sorry, I guess I’m just not a very good liar."

Throwing an arm over his eyes Tony sprawled back on the couch. "Don’t think of it as lying. Think of it as… play acting."

"Play acting."

"Yeah. Haven’t you ever wanted to be someone else for a little while?"

"Sure," McGee admitted as he stopped his pacing and sat on the edge of the coffee table. "But I’m surprised you have."

"Why?" Tony asked with an almost bitter sounding little laugh.

"I don’t know. Rich kid. Good looking. Jock. You’ve always had it all."

Tony rubbed his face and sat back up, taking a minute to study him before speaking. "All true. But that’s a long way from ‘it all’," he finally replied cryptically. "Tell me again, what’s your name?"

"Timothy McGuire. Are you sure it shouldn’t it be more different?"

"You need something you’re going to remember. Besides, I’ve already got Abby working on your documentation. It’s too late to change it now."

"Right. I’m Timothy McGuire, a computer programmer from Boston. I graduated from MIT in…" McGee trailed off thoughtfully.

"What now?" Tony asked as he picked up a discarded box of fried rice and picked through it with a fork.

McGee bit his lip before blurting it out. "If I’m going to be someone else couldn’t I be something more exciting?"

"More exciting than a NCIS agent? I don’t think there is such a thing."

"You know what I mean."

"What do you want to be?" Tony asked distractedly as he sniffed a morsel of shrimp before shoving it into his mouth.

McGee thought about it for a minute. "A racecar driver."

"A racecar driver who had a bad wreck that ended his driving days and is now desperate enough for money to do anything?"

"Yeah!"

Dropping the fork in the carton Tony chunked the whole thing in the direction of the coffee table and leaned back again to regard McGee gravely. "Do you know anything about race cars?"

"Well, no,” McGee had to admit. “Not really."

"Huh. Imagine that. Do you know anything about, say, computers?"

Comprehension dawned swiftly and completely. "Oh. Oh, I get it. In case anyone asks me questions. If I know what I’m talking about I won’t blow my cover. It’s like writing. Write what you know."

Tony smiled. "Don't go overboard with the background. If you want to experiment do it with the personality. You can be whoever you want to be, act any way you want to act. Dangerous, wild, kinky. Pick out somebody you admire and emulate their personality. Just keep it within the realm of what you know. Be Gibbs. But be Gibbs as a computer programmer. If that‘s even remotely possible," he added, shaking his head to clear the mental image.

"Why didn’t you just tell me that?" McGee sighed in exasperation. "Why’d you let me waste all this time arguing with you about every little thing?"

"Because you wouldn’t have listened to me until you figured it out for yourself, Grasshopper. Be glad. You just got over a huge hurdle."

"Yeah," McGee agreed. "I did. You wanna call it a night?"

"Not yet."

"Oh. Can we just cut to the part where you give me good advice and I promise to listen?"

"We can try."

"Okay. What’s the three best pieces of advice you can give me about going undercover?"

"Relax. Play the part close to home. Don’t lose yourself in the character," Tony counted off without even having to think about it.

"Is that possible? Did you ever do that? Lose yourself?"

Tony shook his head no. "Yeah," he finally said. "A little."

"Really? Which time?"

"Every time."

McGee started for a minute, opened his mouth and then closed it. "Oh,” he finally said. “So what do you do? I mean after you come home."

"You’ll have to figure that part out for yourself," Tony answered, not unkindly. "Now. Let’s start from the top‘"

The tiny men’s store was upscale and pristine with an almost sanitized feel to it. McGee felt out of place as soon as he entered, cursing himself for jumping at the sound of the door chime. Both women at the counter looked up. The pretty but plump salesgirl smiled a very practiced smile but the older, thinner woman who’s very bearing screamed ‘manager’ gave him a once over that told him exactly what she thought of him and his cheap suit. He tried not to cringe as he approached them.

"Good afternoon," the girl said by rote.

"Good afternoon." McGee returned formally then took a shaky breath as he handed over the business card.

The manager snatched the card from his hand and harrumphed on cue. "You are here to see Mrs. Fontaine?" she questioned with a disbelieving smirk.

"Yes. I’m Timothy Mc… uh, McGuire."

She harrumphed again then disappeared behind a curtain, taking the card with her. Her pointy toed high heels clicked on the hardwood floor in the back hall until she slammed what McGee surmised to be an office door.

The girl, however, regarded him with a newfound respect. This time the smile was genuine if a little predatory as she checked him out. McGee tried not to squirm under the scrutiny.

"McGee!" Tony’s stage whisper echoed in his ear. "Cough if you’re okay in there."

Covering his mouth with a fist McGee coughed once as requested.

The unanticipated praise helped to steady his nerves, more in fact than McGee would ever care to admit to either himself or Tony. Feeling bolder, he propped an elbow on the counter and returned the smile. Much to his surprise the salesgirl leaned closer to him as well.

"So you want to work for Mrs. Fontaine. Do you have any experience in that line of work?"

"Maybe," McGee replied, getting into character and going for sultry.

"That’s it, Probie. You’re a bad, bad boy," Tony teased in his ear, all but ruining the moment.

Just as well, McGee thought as the pinched-faced woman returned. "Mrs. Fontaine will arrive within the hour. Don’t think she’s coming in just to see you, she was already in route."

"Tell Agatha there to kiss your ass," Tony advised, sounding a little peeved on his student’s behalf.

"I see," McGee said neutrally instead.

The old woman’s posture softened slightly but the condescending attitude remained. "I hate to discourage you, my dear, but you don’t seem the type."

Tony snorted. "The type?"

"The type?" McGee repeated in the same offended tone.

"You seem like a nice boy."

Remembering Tony’s coaching McGee narrowed his eyes and reached out to finger the scarf around her neck. "Well I’m not," he said huskily. Tony’s approving cackle almost undid him as ‘Agatha’ smacked his hand before marching back to her office and once again slamming the door.

The girl’s eyes sparkled with humor. "Why don’t you look around while you wait?" she suggested, trying to keep the amusement out of her voice just in case ‘Agatha’ was listening. "If you need anything just give me a call. I’m Emma."

"Emma," McGee repeated with a wink and a combination finger-snap/point, secure in the knowledge Tony would never know he was emulating him. The front bell rang and another customer came in requesting assistance.

"Agatha?" McGee questioned under his breath as he moved further into the store. "I’ll admit it’s appropriate but you didn’t even see her."

Tony chuckled. "What can I say? My witch detector was set to audio."

McGee took a good, long look around and sighed expansively. "So what am I supposed to do in here for an hour?" he asked.

"I don’t know. Uh, shop?" Even though the voice was tinny the sarcasm came through loud and clear. Still feeling the glow of Tony’s earlier approval McGee chose to ignore it.

"For a whole hour?"

"Tony, I can’t afford the shoelaces in this place." When he saw a rack of overpriced sport coats he wandered over for a better look anyway.

"Kill the chatter," Gibbs’ voice suddenly and rather loudly cut in.

McGee winced and fought the urge to rub his ear.

"Big brother is listening," Abby chimed in as well.

McGee shut up and let Tony take the heat.

"Hey, Boss," Tony greeted cheerfully, shrugging off the reprimand in his usual way, the way that both irritated McGee and made him green with envy.

Spotting a nice salt and pepper jacket McGee ran his hand along the shoulders until he located one in his size as Tony gave a colorful rundown of their morning activities prior to arrival at the shop. In spite of the daunting price tag he took off his own coat to try it on.

As he pulled the jacket up unto his shoulders McGee felt the receiver in his ear slip. At the same time Tony’s voice fell away. There was a dull ping as the earpiece hit the floor and bounced out of sight under a nearby rack. McGee stared after it in horror. Several minutes later when he still hadn’t found the device between the racks he glanced around furtively before fishing a handful of change out of his pocket. The coins rained down with a satisfactory clatter.

"Timothy? Is everything okay?" Emma called, craning her neck around a display to check out the noise.

"I’m fine. I just dropped some quarters," McGee explained, hoping Tony could still hear him as well as he bent down to look under the fixtures.

"Can I help?"

"No thank you. I’ve got it."

Getting down on hands and knees McGee gathered the coins absently as he looked for the tell-tale piece of equipment. A few moments later his forward momentum stopped abruptly when he encountered expensive and pointy toes. He grimaced, certain he should have heard her coming in those shoes.

‘Agatha’ glared as he brought his gaze up to her face. "Mrs. Fontaine will not be pleased," she hissed.

McGee swallowed involuntarily then scowled back at her for sneaking up on him. After another minute of the mute standoff she huffed and noisily stalked away leaving him alone to continue his awkward search.

When he was sure she was gone and Emma was once again out of earshot he reported in. "I can’t hear you anymore, Tony. My ear piece fell out. I’ll continue to wait for Mrs. Fontaine unless I get word otherwise."

"Clear your throat if you’re okay, McGee. McGee!" Tony tried again as he trained his binoculars uselessly on the front of the shop. "Sorry, Boss, he’s not responding and I don’t have a visual. I’m still picking up latent noises though. There are distant voices but I can’t make out what they’re saying past the heavy breathing."

"We copy that, too," Gibbs acknowledged.

"There he is."

"There’s probably just something wrong with his earwig," Abby guessed in a hopeful but worried tone.

"I think you’re right," Tony agreed. "It’s probably nothing."

"He sounds okay but like I said, he’s not responding and I do not have a visual. What do you want me to do, Boss?"

Gibbs hesitated only a second. "Get in there, DiNozzo."

"I’m on it." Tony checked his gun just in case then got out of the car.

"Take care of him, Tony," Abby pleaded.

"He’ll be fine, Abs," Tony assured, looking both ways as he trotted across the street. He stopped just outside the door of ‘Suitably Impressed’ and straightened his collar as he cast an assessing gaze inside.

"Ding dong," he parroted the door chime giving Gibbs and Abby a running commentary as he moved through the store, not wasting any time. "Hello," he greeted the young clerk as he passed her, quickly threat assessing the older gentleman she was helping. "Nice lady. Old coot." He exchanged glances with an older woman as she stormed past him. "That had to be Agatha," he reported, rounding a rack of sport coats and spotted McGee on the floor. "Oh, and there’s our boy. On his knees no less."

"I can’t hear you anymore, Tony. My ear piece fell out. I’ll continue to wait for Mrs. Fontaine unless I get word otherwise."

"Can you hear me now?" Tony asked as he approached. He hid his relief by pretending to admire the folded sweaters displayed on a tiered table. McGee froze in place then looked up over his shoulder. He looked strickened.

"Lose something?" Tony just had to ask.

"I dropped my ear piece," McGee admitted irritably as he continued his search.

"False alarm, he dropped it," Tony reported with a shake of his head before turning back to McGee. "Find it, Probie."

"Get him straightened out then get the hell out of there," Gibbs ordered.

"Working on it, Boss. Boss?"

"He left," Abby explained. "But you’ve still got me. I’ve just got to do a couple other things but I’ll be around. Okay?"

"Sure, Abs. We’ve got it under control." Tony motioned to McGee to get busy then perused the sweaters some more as the location gave him a clear view of the front of the shop.

With a lookout in place McGee moved with more purpose, sweeping under the racks with his hand. "Find it, Probie," he grumbled to himself. "What does it look like I’m trying to do?"

"You do know I can hear you, right?" Tony reminded without looking up.

"Sorry. Oh wait! Found it," McGee held up the earpiece triumphantly but his glee vanished as he got to his feet.

"What?" Tony asked, walking over to help dust him off.

"What what?" Abby asked. "What’s going on, guys? I had a whoop on my mass spec."

McGee sighed forlornly. "I blew it."

"You didn’t blow it," Tony soothed. "Technically, it hasn’t even happened yet."

"No, no. I did. I messed up my equipment and screwed up my first…“

Tony slapped his palm over McGee’s mouth. "That could have happened to anyone, McGee. Capisce?" He waited for McGee to nod before removing his hand.

"Did it ever happen to you?" McGee asked sheepishly, brushing imaginary lint off the sports coat he was still wearing.

"No." Tony frowned as he examined the jacket. "Tweed? McGee? Congratulations. You managed to find the only thing in the whole store that makes you look like a college professor. You ever think of trying something new?"

"Like what?" McGee looked dubious but followed as Tony went straight to the suits on the back wall. "Tony, I have suits."

"These aren’t polyester." Tony hummed tunelessly for effect as he chose a pale grey linen jacket and pulled it out to hold under McGee’s chin. "Try this."

McGee made a face. "Too light, I stain things. How about black?"

"Not everyone can pull off black."

"You wear black all the time," McGee argued.

"I look good in black."

"Black is slimming."

"So are sit-ups." Tony put the jacket back and selected a charcoal one. "This is dark enough. Put it on."

"Is it wool?" McGee asked as he felt the material suspiciously. "I’m allergic to wool."

Tony sputtered. "McGee! Tweed is wool."

"No it’s not. It’s flax? Right?"

"Flax? No flax is… I don’t know what flax is but tweed is definitely wool. Besides, this is a blend. You’ll be fine," Tony insisted, losing patience and thrusting the jacket into McGee’s hands.

McGee didn’t look happy as he took off the tweed one, which Tony tossed haphazardly over another rack, and slipped into the charcoal one. "It’s too big," he complained even as he pulled it on.

"It’s not too big. You need a little room in the shoulders."

"Tony, it’s too big." McGee proved his point by holding up a mostly covered hand.

"That’s what alterations are for, Timothy," Tony growled as he propelled McGee toward the triple mirror in the corner next to a red velvet settee. He expertly folded the cuffs under then pinched the back at the waist slightly on both sides. "There."

"Wow," McGee breathed. "This is… yeah."

"Yeah. If you get it altered it doesn’t look like you bought it off the rack, but you don’t have to pay an arm and a leg for it." Tony grinned as he checked his watch. "Look, I gotta get out of here. Secure your earpiece."

"Got it," McGee said as he replaced the receiver in his ear.

"Can you hear me?" Tony asked.

"Yeah."

Tony patted McGee’s back then turned to leave. "Don’t lose it again."

"Tony, wait. What do I do?" McGee asked nervously.

"Just ask to see the tailor.”

"No. I mean when Mrs. Fontaine gets here."

Tony stopped and studied him for a second. "You know what to do. Don’t let that little mishap throw your confidence. You can do it, you had a great teacher."

"I know. But I’m drawing a blank right now. What am I suppose say? I’m not sure about the female part. What is she‘s not interested in me?"

"The female part?"

McGee‘s cheeks flushed red. "You know, like how to act, what to say."

Tony came back and put one hand on each of McGee’s shoulders. "We talked about this.”

“Yeah, but it didn’t really work out so well on Agatha.”

“Agatha’s a freak of nature. Forget her. Just be yourself," he started then stopped. "No, that won’t work. Just, ah…I know! Be me. Leer a little. When you check her out be obvious about it."

"I can’t do that!" McGee balked, trying to break away while Tony held firm.

"Sure you can. It’s easy. Just think dirty thoughts."

"That’s going against everything I was ever taught. Women want to be respected."

Tony shrugged. "Well you can try that if you want but what women really want is to be desired."

"Desired?"

"Yes. It’s especially true of older women."

"Is that right?" A cultured female voice asked from behind.

Tony felt his eyes widened but by the time he squeezed McGee’s shoulders and turned around all evidence of his surprise was gone. "Isn’t it?" he asked with a cocky grin as he let his gaze wander up and down the elegantly dressed Madame Fontaine.

She appeared impassive as he assessed her but she couldn’t quite keep the amusement out of her eyes. "There might be some truth to that," she allowed. "I’m Elizabeth Fontaine. You must be Timothy."

"Ah, no. Actually this is Timothy," Tony said as he pushed McGee forward. "I’m just here to offer my young friend…"

"Bad advice?" Elizabeth interrupted with a ghost of a smile.

Tony grinned wider and pointed a finger at her playfully. "That’s good. But I was going to say moral support."

"Uh huh. And you are?"

"Leaving," Tony replied, inclining his head to her before thumping a visibly shaken McGee on the shoulder as he made his getaway. "Good luck."

"Thanks, Tony."

"Not so fast, Tony." Elizabeth cut off his retreat with a flick of her hand. "I know you’d like Timothy’s interview to go well. Wouldn’t you? After all you did show up to offer… what was it again? Moral support?”

Tony stopped at the subtle threat but didn’t turn around as he counted the ways Gibbs was going to kill him. "Of course."

“Then please, do stay. I’d love to hear more about what older women really want."

"I’d like that," Tony said, finally turning to favor her with one of his special smiles.

"Miss Janette, would you escort this gentleman to my office?" Elizabeth requested without raising her voice.

Agatha appeared almost immediately. "This way Mister…?"

"Wright," Tony provided smoothly.

"Mister Right?" Elizabeth asked with a startled laugh.

"That’s right. With a W."

Agatha rolled her eyes. "This way."

"After you, Miss Janette." Tony caught McGee’s eye as he ushered Agatha away. He could hear McGee’s breath hitch up a notch as they walked away even without the earwig.

"Timothy," Elizabeth purred as she rounded on McGee as soon as Tony was out of sight.

"Yes, Timothy McGuire."

"Shush."

"I’m… sorry?" McGee asked in confusion.

"Zip it. I do the talking." Elizabeth walked around him reaching out right away to palm a butt cheek. McGee jumped. "Janette warned me not to expect too much. In fact she thinks you’re an idiot."

"I… I…"

"What part of shut up do you not understand?"

McGee held his tongue as Elizabeth continued to circle him slowly, taking in his body from every angle, poking and prodding as she went. It was a little surreal as he listened to Abby’s occasional remark and Tony’s stilted conversation with Agatha.

"You’re not exactly what I’m looking for but I am short handed at the moment. Who knows, with a little work you might do for some of the older Blue Hairs.” She stopped in front of him. “Who gave you my card? You may speak now."

Feeling somewhat humiliated, McGee cleared his throat. "Tony got it for me," he mumbled.

"Tony Wright," Elizabeth tried out the name. “Anthony, I suppose.”

"I guess. Look, I’m not sure if that’s even his real name," McGee hedged, making it up as he went and praying Tony was paying attention. "I met him at a.. a bar. I’ve been letting him sleep on my couch for the last week or so."

"Do you always pick up strange men in bars?" Elizabeth smiled wickedly, obviously enjoying his discomfort.

"No!" McGee blinked in exasperation then tried to find a reasonable explanation. "Tony can be very, uh, personable."

Elizabeth snorted as she circled him again. "I’ll just bet he can, especially when he wants something. Are you deaf?"

Caught off guard McGee turned his head too late to keep her from seeing his earwig. "What?"

"You’re wearing a hearing-aid."

McGee nodded slowly. "I have a slight impairment. It doesn’t interfere with my life," he covered.

Elizabeth nodded as if she understood but was no less critical. "Your speech is very good. Except for the stutter."

"I d… don’t stutter."

"Don‘t worry, sweetheart, it‘s rather endearing,” she soothed in an almost motherly tone that made the hair on the back of McGee‘s neck stand on end as she reached out to palm his crotch in a very un-motherly fashion. “Don’t you have a family?"

"No one I’m close to,” McGee squeaked. He felt his ears go from red to crimson. “I haven’t been home in a long time."

"Friends?” She asked, releasing him and making another pass. “I mean other than the delectable Mister Anthony Wright."

"Woo hoo, Tony’s got a fan," Abby teased.

McGee bit back his sarcastic retort. "Not really."

"Here. Sit down," Elizabeth urged, tugging him towards the settee. McGee sat stiffly next to her, still wearing the too big jacket. "Tell me, darling, do you even know what Anthony is trying to get you in to?"

"He said you run a brothel."

Elizabeth laughed but didn’t really seem all that amused. "How crude. I run an escort service," she told him as she ran her hand up and down the inside of his thigh.

"And that’s different how?" McGee asked, flinching when she got a little far North for his liking. Again.

"In this case? It‘s not. But my whores are all men. Are you sure that’s what you want to be? A whore? You don‘t seem to be all that comfortable being touched."

"I…” McGee took a deep breath and made a monumental effort to relax under her roaming hand. “Yes, I’m sure," he affirmed.

Elizabeth smirked and stopped her all out assault. "Why?"

"My world isn’t a very exciting place. Not like Tony’s anyway,” McGee added, at least partially telling the truth. “There’s no one in my life. All I ever do is go to my boring job day after day then come home to an empty apartment."

"Empty except for Anthony."

"He won’t be around for long."

"Probably not," Elizabeth agreed. “You’re smarter than you look.”

“Thanks,” McGee huffed.

“No, no. I’m glad you see him for what he is,” Elizabeth approved, leaning back and placing an arm across the back of the settee. “What is it about Anthony that makes you want to work for me?”

"He talks about Europe a lot. I want to see London and Paris and all those places someday, too."

"I see. So what is this boring job you do?"

"I’m a computer programmer."

"Really?” Elizabeth drawled, suddenly showing an interest. “Are you any good?"

"I’m very good," McGee stated with a burst of real confidence.

Elizabeth smiled a much less predatory smile and patted his knee. "I may have some use for you after all, my dear."

McGee perked up. Maybe he hadn‘t blown it. "You mean it?"

"Here’s the deal: you live in my house, by my rules. You get to keep twenty percent of everything you make and any gifts you may receive in the line of duty.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“I’m not finished. If I find out you’re working side deals with the clients your ass won’t be worth a plug nickel. Do you understand?"

"I do." McGee nodded eagerly. He was in. He couldn’t believe he was in.

"Oh, be careful throwing around those two little words, Timothy. They’ll get you into a lot of trouble."

As he searched the office Tony managed to keep one ear tuned to the hall while still monitoring McGee’s interview and quietly exchanging observations with Abby. No problem.

The only hard part had been getting rid of Agatha, or Aggie, as he was coming to think of her, who insisted on keeping him company. Her high and mighty attitude softened considerably once they were alone, moving unexpectedly from watchful suspicion to outright lust. Fortunately for Tony the younger clerk called for an expert opinion on Argyle socks and Agatha had to reluctantly excuse herself. But not before giving Tony a smoldering leer that left him fearful for whatever might be left of his long lost virtue.

Even stranger, McGee seemed to be doing just fine on his own with Aggie’s boss. In fact his bumbling came off as very authentic. Not that Tony was really all that worried. Worse come to worst the good madam would simply send the rookie on his way and Tony, twenty-five or not, could step right in. Maybe Gibbs wouldn’t kill him after all. He winced when McGee’s earwig was spotted but the kid covered well. Elizabeth was proving to be tough. She obviously didn’t miss much when it came to men. Tony made mental notes of the Probie’s mostly brilliant improvisations: bar, couch… check and check.

"Woo hoo, Tony’s got a fan."

Tony smiled at that as he finished with the receipt book he found next to the liquor cabinet and moved over to sit in the fancy swivel chair behind the mahogany desk. He went through the drawers and found nothing of interest except a leather-bound day planner which was apparently written in gibberish. Abby concurred that it was probably an elaborate code.

And then suddenly the deal was done. McGee was hired, sent to the tailor, and told to disrobe. The Probie complied, but only after another round of hemming and hawing accompanied by Abby’s rendition of stripper music. Tony smiled at that, too.

"Gotta go, Abs," Tony informed her quickly when he heard the rapid tap-tap of high heels coming down the hall. He stowed his own earpiece in his pocket leaving a mostly naked McGee in Abby’s capable hands.

Making no effort to hide the fact that he was perusing her carefully coded book, Tony barely glanced up when Elizabeth came through the door. "Find anything interesting?" she asked, looking anything but surprised.

"Well I can’t make heads or tails of it but I’m sure it makes perfect sense to you," Tony said cheerfully. He closed the book and leaned back in her chair to make another lingering assessment as she approached him.

"Oh, believe me, darling, it does." Elizabeth moved slowly, displaying herself with a calculated combination of grace and vamp. Her sheer blouse didn’t hide much as she slipped out of her wrap and draped it on the coat rack near the door before advancing on him. She was certainly perky for a woman of her age. Implants, no doubt, but well executed. If she was going to put on a show Tony felt it was his obligation to watch. And the old girl seemed to be enjoying the game a great deal.

"Ever heard of a palm pilot? You can password protect your information, you know."

"I prefer doing things the old fashion way." Using his shoulders as leverage Elizabeth spun the chair until Tony was facing her. She then kicked off her stiletto pumps and levered her left foot right up into his crotch.

"Nimble li’l minx, aren’t cha?" Tony drawled in a perfect Bill Murray imitation.

Not completely sure if the graphic display was an invitation or a dare he responded by lifting a hand and slipping it under the hem of her skirt. She released an almost inaudible moan as he began to sketch warm circles on her surprisingly firm inner thigh with his fingertips. He kept his eyes focused on her face, trying to determine if her reaction was more than just an act. The split second she took to look at her watch told him everything he needed to know. Still, he played along.

"Maybe you do know what women want," Elizabeth said breathily, practiced.

"Mmm," Tony muttered as he dropped his gaze to her leg and lazily ran his hand down to her shapely ankle and back up. "What’s this?" he asked, using his thumb to trace an almost invisible scar that bisected her kneecap.

"That’s a broken heart," Elizabeth stated then pushed away from him hard enough to jab a particularly sensitive portion of his anatomy. She leaned against the edge of her desk apparently to enjoy his pain.

"So is that," Tony quipped with a grimace when he could speak again. He didn’t give her the satisfaction of adjusting himself as he got up. "I’d like to say it was a pleasure…" he began, dropping the book back into the drawer and slamming it shut.

"Now don’t go away mad," Elizabeth purred, once again smooth as honey as she stood, placing herself directly in his path. "Stay. Have a drink." She motioned towards the liquor cabinet with one hand and ran the other up along the buttons on his shirt.

"I’m driving," Tony declined brusquely, pushing her hand away from his chest. He knew he would stick around long enough to confirm McGee’s story but decided to make her work for it.

"My, my," Elizabeth mocked. "What a tender little ego."

Tony narrowed his eyes as he glared at her. "At the moment it’s not my ego that’s tender."

Not taking no for an answer Elizabeth pushed him firmly until he gave in and sat back in her chair. "Ice?" she asked brightly as she made her way over to pour them both a drink.

Tony sighed and looked at the ceiling as he rocked the chair back and forth. "No thank you."

"Such lovely manners. I wouldn’t have expected that in a cop."

Not missing a beat Tony barked out a laugh. "What makes you think I’m a cop?"

"Well you are wearing a shoulder holster and I’m sure it’s not just a fashion statement. Don’t worry; it doesn’t ruin the cut of your suit. Did you have it tailored that way?"

"Of course," Tony admitted freely. "It costs a little extra but it’s worth it."

"It’s my understanding of the law that if I ask if you’re an undercover policeman you have to tell me the truth."

"So ask."

Elizabeth studied him for a long moment. Tony grinned back at her impudently.

"Are you?" she finally asked.

"Actually I’m a federal agent. I was sent here to destroy your evil empire. License to kill and all that."

"Please. There’s that ego again," Elizabeth scoffed as she returned to the desk, a tumbler with two fingers of single malt in each hand. "If you’re not a cop then why do you carry a gun?"

"The world is a dangerous place," Tony answered with a shrug.

"It certainly is. So just what the hell are you playing at, Mister Wright?" Elizabeth asked, putting a napkin on the desk before placing his drink in front of him.

"If you will recall, Miz Fontaine, I was on my way out. You invited me to stay. In fact you insisted."

Elizabeth took a sip of her bourbon as she perched on the edge of the desk and fished a pack of Virginia Slims out of the top drawer. "A gentleman would offer me a light," she said as she slid one out and put it in her mouth.

"I don’t smoke, it’s bad for the complexion," Tony replied, pursing his lips as he looked at her a little closer. "I guess it really does cause wrinkles."

"Fuck you," Elizabeth growled around the cigarette, suddenly more back alley than Beltway. She sat down her glass with an angry thump and dug a little deeper in the drawer before coming out with a gold-plated Zippo which she quickly put to use.

"Language," Tony scolded lightly, waving away the smoke she blew in his direction. "What do you want?"

She took a deep drag and blew it out languorously. "What do you think I want?"

Tony cocked an eyebrow at her knowingly.

Elizabeth laughed and pointed a finely manicured hand, cigarette and all, at him. "I run a house full of young, gorgeous men that I can have my wicked way with any time I like. What makes you think you’re so special?"

"Again, let me point out that I was leaving."

"And I called you back. I know."

Making a show of looking at his watch, Tony stared at her pointedly. "So the sooner you tell me what you want, the sooner we can be rid of each other."

"Anthony, darling," Elizabeth sighed with exaggerated exasperation. "Don’t be such a baby. Every man needs a little pain every now and then. It’s good for the soul."

"Cut to the chase or I’m out of here."

"Okay, fine. I’d really like to know what a player like you is doing sleeping on some geek’s couch. Let me guess, you’re biding your time while between rich marks."

"You don’t know me," Tony said, making another move to get up.

Elizabeth took a final puff of her cigarette before snuffing it out. "But I do know men. Let me take a crack at you."

Tony settled back, crossed his legs protectively, and steepled his fingers in front of him. "It’s your office, go ahead."

"The breeding is there," Elizabeth started thoughtfully as she lifted one leg and wriggled her foot under his thigh. This gave him an unimpeded view up her skirt which he declined by keeping his eyes on her face. "I’m almost positive you grew up with money, you’re not faking that. But you’ve also got a little street in you; though that probably came later from experience. How am I doing so far?"

"I’ll let you know when you get off track."

"I’d say you do know women, but it’s more than that. You know people. You know what they like, how they respond to things, and you use that information to your best interests. Like poor dear little Timothy. Why’d you really bring him here?"

"I owe him. As you already seem to know he’s been letting me stay at his place."

"I’m not buying it."

"So?" Tony asked casually, hoping Abby could still hear things clearly enough to get McGee out if things went hinky.

"I take it you’ve seen Europe on the arms of some rather rich, perhaps older ladies?"

"It’s not a crime to accept hospitality."

"You’re a gigolo."

"Yeah. And again I ask, so?" Tony removed her foot and pushed it towards the floor as he got up. "What I’m not is a prostitute."

"You sell yourself for material goods and services, vacations, food, albeit really pricey food I’ll wager."

"Maybe. But I don’t work the line, so if you want to recruit me for your little whore house, you’re barking up the wrong tree."

"Where’d you get my card?" Elizabeth inquired hastily to his back as he headed towards the door.

"What?"

"My card? I have several recruiters who hand them out to a very select few. You don’t fit the criteria."

Tony turned back around curiously. "Why not?"

"I’m looking for diamonds in the rough so to speak. Good looking young men, but weak minded ones."

"Guys that can be manipulated," Tony said.

"Yes. Often that means low social status or corrupt natures."

"Any chance I can get a finder’s fee for bringing you Tim? With a little gym time, and a lot of polishing he could be just what you’re looking for."

"You didn’t answer my question."

"All right," Tony sighed. "I’ll throw you a bone. There was a drunk Marine in the bar the night I met Tim. He was flashing your card around, he said he’d hit the jackpot and was living the high life. Then he said he had to leave before the house mother realized he was overdue."

Elizabeth clenched her teeth in very real exasperation this time. "That idiot."

"I lifted the card when he was paying his tab. I asked around but no one seemed to know anything about you or your operation. But I had a hunch."

"And you decided to send Timothy in to find out for you."

"It wasn’t hard to convince him he needed a change of lifestyle," Tony acknowledged smugly.

"So the bit about you owing him was bullshit," Elizabeth postulated. "Now it all makes sense."

"Are we done? Because as it turns out; this has been a colossal waste of my time."

Suddenly very business-like Elizabeth rounded her desk and sat down. "I don’t think it has. We might be very good for each other, Mister Wright."

Tony took a deep breath as he made his decision. McGee would think he was trying to muscle in on his op and who knew what Gibbs would think, he could go either way depending on what Tony found out. "Convince me," he finally said as took a seat opposite her.

“What’s going on, Abs?" Gibbs asked as he entered the lab and handed over a super size Caf Pow!

Tons!" Abby exclaimed. "Do you know how hard it is to keep up with two field agents and run tests at the same time? Lucky for you I can multi-task."

Gibbs turned to the blank monitor in alarm. "Two?"

"No camera, remember? Just audio."

"Tony’s still in there?"

"There were complications," Abby hedged. "But it wasn’t Tony’s fault. Well, not really."

"Why didn’t you call me?"

"You were in autopsy, and before you ask Kate is still running down backgrounds on the people who work in the shop. Besides it’s under control. Mostly."

"Abby," Gibbs growled in frustration.

"Okay, okay, I’ll give you the Cliff Notes. Ease up, Bossman."

"Put it on speaker."

"It is."

"I can’t hear anything but McGee breathing."

"Yeah, he’s a little stressed out at the moment. I don’t think he’s ever had a real fitting before."

"Abby."

"Let’s start from the beginning," Abby suggested before launching into the tale. "Tony took the time to give McGee some wardrobe advice, and don’t yell, it was good advice. In the meantime the black widow came in and took a shine to him."

"So DiNozzo stayed."

"Yes, but he took the opportunity to search her office."

"Did he find anything?"

"Yes and no," Abby said, cutting Gibbs off with a gesture. "He found her date book but it was in code."

"So she didn’t hire McGee."

"She did. But she wants Tony, too. Oh, and she spotted McGee’s earwig but it’s okay, he told her he’s deaf in that ear."

Gibbs rubbed his forehead. "And she believed him?"

"Yeah, but she wouldn’t fall for it twice so Tony took his out. That’s why he can’t hear us and we’re having trouble hearing him. Actually it comes and it goes, I think it depends on his position. Plus McGee’s breathing tends to get louder when he’s being measured."

"We don’t need both of them in there."

"But it’s a big house. And it is McGee’s first time and security is kind of tight," Abby pointed out a little anxiously, going so far as to wring her hands. "And… and that woman is just plain mean. She did something to Tony that made his voice go all squeaky for a few minutes."

"Lot’s of women would like to do that to Tony," Gibbs snorted with a lightning fast grin.

"But he didn’t say anything to warrant it this time. I swear, Gibbs, he didn’t do anything wrong, he was all charming and sexy and sweet. And that Agatha just sounds creepy."

"Who?"

"I think she’s the store manager, Jeanette something. Tony dubbed her Agatha. She already has it in for McGee but I think she wants a piece of Tony, if you know what I mean."

"I’ll monitor these two knuckleheads," Gibbs said with a sigh as he settled at the counter. "You finish up... whatever it is you’re doing."

"I’m done."

Gibbs cut his eyes back to her.

"The little chip of rock Ducky sent me that he found embedded in Edmunds’ skull?" Abby started without further prompting. "It’s not rock at all. It’s polyurethane and synthetic resin with microscopic traces of dirt, asphalt, and a mixture of sorbitol, mannitol, glycerin, sucralose, acesulfame potassium, red dye number…"

"Abby!"

"Chewing gum."

"Asphalt and chewing gum? You’re telling me the missing weapon is a shoe?"

"Bingo!" Abby exclaimed. "And not just any old shoe, but probably a woman’s shoe with a stiletto heel judging by the dimensions Duckman gave me of the puncture wound and depressed skull fracture he found in the center of each blow."

"But those skinny heels wouldn’t be strong enough to break a guy’s skull," Gibbs argued.

"Oh contraire, mon frair."

"How?"

Abby moved over to her keyboard and began to type rapidly. "Let me do a pound per square inch ratio for you."

"Don’t bother," Gibbs interrupted, reaching over to still her fingers. "If you say so, I believe you."

"Gibbs, have you seen some of the heifers that toddle around in those things?"

"Okay, okay, I’m convinced. But would a little old lady be strong enough to bust a skull with one?"

"That, I couldn’t tell you. I’m thinking not. But who says it had to be a woman? The shoe might have just been a handy weapon."

"Good point," Gibbs conceded. "Ducky says there aren’t any other signs of trauma to the body and he didn’t drown, he was already long dead when he went into the water. Plus the angles of the blows indicate he was already prone when he was struck."

"That makes sense. He was very, very drunk," Abby added. "His blood alcohol was three times the legal limit."

"So the perp found him face-down and defenseless and pummeled him anyway."

"That’s cold."

"Well that came in loud and clear," Gibbs observed.

"He must have stood up. He’s leaving."

"Good job, DiNozzo," Gibbs muttered. "Now tell him to get his ass back here as quick as possible. We’ve got to plan some strategy before we send him back in."

Abby nodded but Gibbs was already halfway through the doors. "Talk to me, Tony," she told the speaker phone.

"How’s he doing?" Tony asked as he entered the lab, looking to Kate who was monitoring the audio feed. There wasn’t much to hear, mostly Elizabeth on her cell making small talk with someone else and McGee’s nervous breathing.

"He’s in the limo with Mrs. Fontaine on the way to the estate," Kate replied. "He asked to call a cab so he could go home for some things but she didn’t go for it. She promised to buy him whatever he wants or needs, including computer equipment, if he’s a good boy."

"She said he needed to make a clean break from his old life," Abby added with a worried frown as she came around the lab table. She leaned into the one-armed hug Tony offered.

"Our Probie is growing up," Tony soothed as he rubbed Abby’s shoulder. "He’s gonna be fine. We’ll make a field agent out of him yet."

"And he is getting a fancy new wardrobe," Kate offered helpfully, "Even if he doesn’t get to keep it."

"Yeah, well," Tony smirked, "You can put steak sauce on a hotdog but there’s still a weenie inside."

"Tony!" Kate and Abby exclaimed at the same time.

Abby swatted him across the chest as she stepped out of his embrace. "No you didn’t! Don’t call McGee names until he’s back here and safe."

"I’m sorry," Tony apologized, appearing almost contrite in spite of the twinkle in his eyes.

"Don’t let it happen again," Abby warned with a pointing finger and a mock pout as she headed back towards the outer office.

"That was mean," Kate admonished Tony as she tried not to laugh.

"Where’s Gibbs?" Tony questioned with a soft chuckle, watching Abby’s retreat before turning his full attention to Kate.

"He went to update the director," Kate said, looking up to see Gibbs passing Abby in the sliding door. "He’ll be back any second."

"Okay, good. So how much trouble am I in?"

"For what, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked from directly behind him. "For turning into one of those queer eye guys?"

"Queer Eye? Nobody watches that show anymore." Tony sobered quickly at the whack on the back of his head. "Sorry, boss. I couldn’t help myself. Hey, did I tell you that in that whole store full of silk and cashmere," he laughed as he turned around, "Probie picked… tweed." He frowned as he fingered Gibbs’ lapel. "Not everyone can pull off tweed. It looks good on you, though."

Gibbs smacked Tony’s hand away. "Fontaine wants you to go to work for her," he stated. "Why?"

Tony leaned against the counter next to Kate and held up a finger. "The golden rule."

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you," Kate quoted.

"That’s the golden rule?” Tony asked, wrinkling his nose. “Sounds kinky. But no. I meant the other golden rule."

Kate frowned. "There isn’t another golden rule,” she told him.

"Sure there is."

"Enough!" Gibbs declared.

"You get what you pay for," Tony hastened to say.

"What?" Kate shook her head. “That’s not golden. Only you, DiNozzo.”

Tony ignored her and turned to Gibbs. "Elizabeth could have a really lucrative business here except for one thing. Other than offering trinkets and expensive toys, she’s not willing to pay enough to attract older, more seasoned players. It took me half an hour to get her up to a salary she would think I would accept. And believe me, she‘s getting me for a song."

"I thought she just liked them young," Kate quipped with a smirk.

"I suppose she does. But the guys who are willing to work for what she’s willing to pay are… let’s just say they’re a little rough around the edges."

"Ex-convicts and Marines," Kate supplied with a knowing nod which she abruptly stopped at the look Gibbs sent her way.

Tony agreed with a nod of his own. "She prides herself on how well she knows men."

"But she doesn’t understand these wild young bucks," Gibbs postulated.

"Exactly. And she can’t handle them alone. They’re scaring off prospective customers."

"So she wants you to what? Teach them some manners?"

"More or less," Tony said. "She’s already got some muscle at the front gate to keep them in."

"And uninvited visitors like us out."

"Yeah, that would be Mitchell Gellar," Kate said as she typed and clicked to bring up Gellar’s picture on the plasma. "He’s an ex-Army grunt, special forces no less, who runs security at the estate. He’s also a hold over from the dead husband. I’ve prepared a dossier on him as well as the other known employees. Imposing as he is, I don’t really think he has anything to do with keeping the boys in line."

"Whew. He is big." Tony cringed at the tall, muscular man in the picture. "And bald."

"I wouldn’t say that to his face," Kate warned.

"I think he knows he’s bald, Kate. He probably uses steal wool on that dome."

"What else have you got?" Gibbs asked Kate impatiently.

Kate clicked through a few photos of other, slightly less military looking men. "Except for Gellar the men on the small security force are rent-a-cops from an agency in Fairfax. They’re all bonded, no records."

"What about the employees at the store?"

"I talked to a pharmacist at the drugstore next door who was very helpful. This is Emily Fierman."

"Shop girl," Tony provided. "Clerk," he amended before Kate could object. "But you already knew that. Go on."

"She works full time at the shop. She’s clean. She started there after school when she was just seventeen and stayed on after Elizabeth bought the place three years ago. Then there’s the tailor, Robert Shoemaker, also a long time local resident. There are a couple of part time positions, especially around the holidays but they turn over fairly regularly. It seems Elizabeth really is a tightwad when it comes to salaries."

Tony scratched his head. "What about Agatha?"

"You mean Miss Jeanette," Gibbs corrected with the hint of a smile.

"Jeanette Smith, actually," Kate said, bringing up a grainy photo of Agatha standing on a balcony. "But I suspect that’s an alias. I couldn’t find anything on her, not even a social security number or driver’s license. The pharmacist said she’s run the place since the buyout but she guards her privacy fiercely."

"Yeah, she didn’t really seem like the friendly type," Gibbs agreed as Abby came back into the room carrying a small cardboard box.

"Speak for yourself," Tony huffed lightly as he rubbed his back pocket. "I’ll get Abby to dust my butt for prints."

"Abs, put that photo through the face thing," Gibbs ordered, pointing to the screen.

"I like Tony’s idea better," Abby teased, making a point to check out the backside in question as she set the box on the counter next to Kate. Tony casually presented her with a better angle and a flutter of eyelashes over his shoulder.

"One thing we do know is where Jeanette lives," Kate went on, sparing a grin for her coworkers’ antics. "Recognize the background in the picture?"

"That’s the Fontaine Estate," Gibbs stated with certainty. "You sure she lives there?"

"According to the surveillance log she arrives by limo every evening and usually doesn’t leave until she goes to work again the next morning the same way."

"Well, well, well. Maybe her and Liz are, you know, chicka-chicka-bow-wow," Tony guessed.

"God, DiNozzo," Kate complained. "You said yourself that Elizabeth is into men."

"No, I said she prides herself on how well she knows men. I get the feeling she doesn’t really like the male of the species all that much."

"Not surprising for an old pro who had it rough," Gibbs concurred.

"Here are your new toys, Tony," Abby said as she began pulling items out of the box.

"Cool. What have we got? I recognize the eye glasses."

"Complete with camera," Abby said. "Try to get another look at BW’s little black book with these on."

"BW?" Kate asked.

"Black Widow. That’s my new designation for Madame Madam."

"Right."

"Shaving cream?" Tony asked as he picked up the can to give it a shake.

"Whoa! Go easy on that thing," Abby warned as she ripped it out of his hand. "It’s empty. There’s an extra transmitter in it."

"You obviously can’t wear an earwig," Kate pointed out.

"So I’m supposed to walk around with a can of shaving cream instead?"

"No, you put it where you can get to it. It’s for emergencies. The bottom comes off."

"Oh," Tony muttered as he moved on to the next item. "Nice watch."

"That’s your primary transmitter and locator beacon. Try not to get it wet. And yes, it also tells time, James Bond," Abby said as she tugged his regular watch off and slipped it high onto her own arm above her studded bracelet. "I’ll just hold onto yours until you get back."

Tony put on the new one and spoke into the face. "Testing, testing. One, two," Abby punched a button on her keyboard. "…three," also came out of the computer speaker as Tony spoke it. He grinned and nodded. "What about a weapon?"

"Can’t you just take yours? She already knows you have a gun," Abby replied. "I didn’t think to hide one."

"Not gonna work," Tony said as he shook his head. "Lizzy was adamant that I not carry. She said not to show at all if I can’t deal with going without."

"Prepare a backup, Abs," Gibbs decided.

"Sure."

"All right. DiNozzo, go home and pack a bag. I want you to look like you’re planning to stay for awhile."

"On it, boss," Tony agreed as he turned to the door.

"Be careful!" Abby called after him.

"I’m just going home, I’ll be right back," Tony assured with a wave as he left.

Gibbs bent and retrieved his own secondary weapon from his ankle holster. "Use this one," he instructed as he handed it to Abby. "And keep up with McGee," he reminded them both on his way out.

"I hate it when you guys go undercover," Abby confessed to Kate as soon as Gibbs was out of earshot.

"I know," Kate smiled and patted her hand. "It’s actually easier to be on the other side of the wire," she admitted as she tuned back in to listen to McGee’s heavy breathing.

"We eat at six. Don’t be late," Joshua Caster warned as he flicked McGee hard with the end of a beach towel before tossing it over his shoulder. "The old broad don’t like it when we’re late. She’ll take it out on all of us and then we’ll have to take it out on you when she’s not around."

McGee pulled a scowl but didn’t bother to look up as his new roommate headed out to the pool. "I’ll be there," he mumbled, bringing up another file on his fancy, if slightly used, computer system. "Jackass," he added when the footsteps echoed further down the hall.

"What a jerk," Kate commented in McGee’s ear.

"So far all of Elizabeth’s boys seem to fall into that category."

Kate laughed. "DiNozzo’ll fit right in then. Tim?" she asked when he didn’t answer. "You do know that Gibbs trusts you, right? He’s only sending Tony in as backup."

"If you say so."

"I guess," McGee gave in with a small, reluctant smile. With a quick glance over his shoulder he hacked a little deeper into the in-house network. "Is Abby there?"

"Mostly downloaded porn on the guys’ computers, some personal emails but it looks like everything goes through a central server somewhere here at the house."

"And it’s probably closely monitored," Abby guessed.

"No doubt. There’s nothing suspicious so far. Apparently Elizabeth really is a technophobe; she hasn’t even got a PC. But Agatha does," McGee said softly

as he pondered the set-up. "It’s encrypted, looks like a fairly complex program."

"No problem. Except for Agatha’s hard drive the Internet security in this place is off the shelf," McGee mused as he easily overrode admin, adjusted the firewall, opened a port, and then covered his tracks. "There. You in?"

"Oh yeah, I’m in, baby," Abby cooed. "Okay, this might take a while to crack," she added after a couple of seconds.

"It’s sophisticated?" Kate asked.

"You could say that."

"That’s a good question," McGee agreed. He checked his watch and sighed. "I suppose I should put in an appearance downstairs before dinner."

"I hate to sound like a broken record…" Abby began.

"I’ll be careful," McGee promised. "Don’t worry so much."

Gibbs shook his head as he entered the lab and watched Tony stow the rigged shaving cream can in his leather duffle. "Jesus, DiNozzo."

"What?" Tony looked up from the midst of his other luggage: one large and one medium sized suitcase, a garment bag, and what looked suspiciously like a makeup case. "You said to pack like I was planning to stay awhile."

"I know," Gibbs replied, holding up his hands. "To me that’s two small bags instead of one. I just forgot who I was talking to."

"Here," Abby said as she pushed between them to shove a large stuffed animal into Tony’s arms.

"A monkey?"

Abby shrugged, wrapping her arms around Tony and resting her head against the monkey’s. "He’s a puppet. His name is Gacy."

Tony shook his head in disbelief. "As in John Wayne Gacy? You named him after a serial killer?"

"You say that like its weird," Abby said, pulling back to give Tony a bewildered look. "Just don’t squeeze him too hard, he might go off."

"You hid the gun in a toy?" Gibbs asked.

"Hey, it was short notice," Abby replied defensively as she moved away. "I sewed it in. The safety is on but you shouldn’t have any trouble flipping it off."

Tony slid his hand inside and gingerly felt for the trigger. "Works for me. Who’d look up a monkey’s ass for a gun?"

"Your ride is here," Gibbs announced as an NCIS agent dressed as a cab driver stuck his head through the door.

"Russ," Tony greeted. "Nice hat."

"Thanks, Tony. Ready to roll?"

"Yeah. Hey, you wanna grab my bags?" Tony called after the other man who disappeared back out the door. "I didn’t think so," he muttered as Abby helped him gather his things.

"Tony," Gibbs said as he plucked the stuffed animal from Tony’s overburdened arms to get his attention.

"Yeah, Boss?"

"Keep it professional."

Tony looked hurt for a second before he masked it behind a grin. "Don’t I always?"

"This is only one avenue of investigation," Gibbs continued. "There’s no reason to cross the line. That goes for McGee, too."

"You worried about my virtue?" Tony asked, the grin turning impish as it reached his eyes.

"No, I’m worried about you corrupting McGee beyond repair," Gibbs retorted as he stuck Gacy back under Tony’s chin. "Just be careful."

"That’s my line," Abby protested. "And take care of McGee."

"See ya," Tony winked at Abby and waved through the glass at Kate.

"Was that a makeup case?" Gibbs turned to Abby to ask.

Abby shrugged again mysteriously as she went to join Kate. Gibbs followed. "What’s going on?" he asked at the worried look on Kate’s face.

"Tim went out to the pool to have a look around. Then he pleaded for mercy and there was this big splash," Kate explained. "And now I’m not picking up anything at all."

"Not even heavy breathing?"

"They threw him in, didn’t they?" Abby asked sadly.

"I’m afraid so."

Abby dialed her phone and put it on speaker.

"I haven’t even left the building yet, Abs," Tony complained as he answered.

"Houston, we have a problem,” Abby told him.

"Has achieved splashdown," Abby confirmed. "I need to send him another earwig.”

Russ let out a low whistle as they neared the ostentatious mansion from the quarter-mile long drive. “Nice digs,” he said, pulling into the final curve where the asphalt gave way to elaborate brickwork.

“I suppose,” Tony agreed with a calculated sigh as he snuck a peak at his envious friend in the rearview mirror. “If you’re into pink marble and Greek statues. It’s a little gaudy. Garish, even. I’ll probably have to eat caviar and sip champagne while I‘m here. You know, so I don‘t blow my cover.”

“Yeah. Poor baby. You get all the good assignments, you bastard.” Russ turned off the engine and stared at the impressive portico and the ridiculous amount of steps that led to the double front door. “That’ll be nineteen dollars and thirty-two cents.”

“What? That’s highway robbery!”

“Yeah? Well screw you and your caviar, DiNozzo.”

“Don’t be bitter,” Tony laughed as he slid out of the backseat and pulled a twenty off the money clip in his pocket. When Russ got out Tony stuffed the bill down the pocket of the fake cabbie’s shirt. “Keep the change.”

“And a cheap bastard at that,” Russ complained when he dug the money out.

Tony gleefully smacked the other agent on the cheek before starting up the steps without a backward glance. “Chop, chop. And be careful with my bags, my new Hugo Boss shoes are in there.”

With an indignant huff Russ popped the trunk and began dumping Tony’s things into the driveway with less than the requested care.

When Tony reached the door it was already opening. “Hello,” Tony greeted the small Hispanic woman who beckoned him inside. “Nice early warning system you’ve got there,” he said thumbing towards the gate far down the winding driveway.

“Ola, Mister Anthony,” the maid said. “Mrs. Fontaine is holding dinner for you.” She turned and motioned for him to follow her through the foyer and down the hall that ran behind the wide, curving staircase.

“Maybe later we can go out to the cement pond,” Tony joked, grinning as Russ came through the door huffing and puffing under the weight of the luggage.

Another maid stood halfway up stairway and called to Russ. “This way, please.”

“I hate you,” Russ mouthed in Tony’s direction which only made Tony grin wider.

“Let’s not keep Mrs. Fontaine waiting,” Tony told the first maid as he ushered her on ahead of him. “I love my job,” he added under his breath.

The hall was elegantly furnished and led them to a large formal dining room where Elizabeth sat at one end of the long table and Aggie near the other to the right of the only empty chair. Also along the sides sat five young, attractive men with various unhappy expressions on their faces as they waited, including a still damp Timothy McGuire who looked like he wanted to crawl under a rock.

Tony headed straight to Elizabeth and took her hand in his and brought it to his mouth for a soft kiss. “You didn’t have to hold dinner for me,” he told her.

“Don’t be silly, a family dines together. Attention my darlings,” Elizabeth announced, standing and motioning to Tony with a flourish. “This is Mister Anthony Wright, of whom we spoke at length earlier. From now on you will take instruction from him as if he were me. Anthony, this is Ian,” she began introducing the men on her right, continuing her fluid gesturing. “Next to Ian is Joshua, and you already know Timothy.”

Tony nodded and made eye contact with each in turn before Elizabeth pointed to the other side of the table. “This is Curtis, Raphael, and of course, Miss Jeanette.” Then she waved a hand to the other end of the table to the empty seat on the end. “Please, join us.”

Noting the sour dispositions of most of the men, Tony sauntered slowly to his place. “Gentlemen. Miss Jeanette.”

Agatha smiled coyly and raised a hand toward him, palm down. Feeling obliged, Tony took her hand as well, stopping to note it’s relatively large size before giving it a quick bus as well, much to the amusement of most at the table.

“Manners, boys,” Elizabeth crooned in a warning tone.

As soon as Tony’s bottom hit his chair two butlers appeared to serve the salad course and place baskets of bread around the table.

“Why do we need this guy again?” Ian asked, reaching all the way across the table to grab a dinner roll.

“He’s here to groom you into the kind of men our customers are looking for,” Elizabeth explained, probably not for the first time.

A round of discontented murmurs rose up around the table.

“I don’t need no fag to groom nothing’,” Joshua agreed with the general consensus, speaking through a mouth full of endive.

Tony raised an eyebrow and shared a long look with a clearly exasperated Elizabeth. No wonder she was at the end of her rope. “I’ll be Professor ‘iggins to your Eliza Doolittles,” he quipped as he flipped open his linen napkin and draped it across his lap. He looked around at the blank stares, at least from the males at the table. “Henry Higgins? ‘My Fair Lady‘? Anybody?”

“Fag,” Joshua repeated under his breath.

Elizabeth smiled sadly and shook her head but Agatha reached out and took Tony’s hand. “Culture is wasted on these… children,” she told him.

Tony forced his grimace into a wan smile and tugged his hand free from her surprisingly strong grip as the butler brought a bottle of wine for his approval. He looked at the label and nodded, impressed. “Nice,” he said, looking to Elizabeth who nodded back at him graciously. The first butler began to pour while the other opened another bottle of the same for the other side of the table.

“I saw ‘My Fair Lady’ my junior year at MIT,” McGee said as he followed Tony’s cue and put his napkin in his lap as well. He lifted his crystal goblet and sniffed the wine the butler sat in front of him, again looking to Tony for guidance before drinking.

“Did you now, Timmy?” Tony asked, surreptitiously signaling McGee to wait by lowering his hand to the table. “What’d you think of it?”

McGee set the goblet down and waited for the butlers to finish pouring. “I thought it was a lot like ‘Pretty Woman‘.”

“Some people consider ‘Pretty Woman’ to be a retelling of the classic tale,” Tony approved, eliciting a grin from McGee.

“So how do you two know each other?” the man next to McGee interrupted. Joshua, Tony remembered. Joshua Caster. And Banana Boy needed to be taken down a notch at the first available opportunity.

Tony glanced at McGee’s wet head and back to Caster. “We were room mates. Very close.”

“So you are fags.”

“He’s like a brother to me. So where’s your hearing aid, little brother?” Tony asked McGee, sounding casual while pointedly staring at Caster.

“It, uh, got wet,” McGee answered, looking wary in the middle of the quiet confrontation.

“Maybe he forgot about it when he got in the shower,” Ian Lane popped into the conversation laughingly.

“Is that what happened?” Tony asked still not taking his eyes off Caster who glared back defiantly.

McGee cleared his throat and looked around at the unrepentant faces staring at them. “Yeah, I guess that‘s what happened.”

Tony turned to McGee who was beginning to look more than a little concerned. “Well don’t worry, it won’t happen again,” he assured as he lay his napkin on the table, stood, and reached for his wine glass to make a toast.

“And what are you going to do about it if it does?” Caster asked. “Faggit.”

With a sigh of resignation Tony set his glass down. He had hoped to wait until after dinner as he had missed lunch but there was really was no time like the present. “Elizabeth,” he began as he walked around the table and yanked Caster’s chair away from the table. “Will you excuse us? Mister Caster and I need to have a word outside.”

“Certainly,” Elizabeth answered. If she was worried she didn’t show it. If anything she seemed thankful someone was taking her problem child to task.

“Get up,” Tony said to Caster and waited several seconds for him to do so.

Finally Caster let out an amused huff and pushed his chair into Tony as he stalked toward the French doors leading out to the patio. “It’s your funeral,” he goaded, pushing through the doors and leaving them open.

Tony inclined his head toward Elizabeth and moved to follow. As he backed out and reached for a door with each hand the rest of the men clamored from their seats. “Sit,” he ordered in his best ever imitation of Gibbs in full on authoritarian mode. He did not show his surprise as they reluctantly obeyed. “Stay,” he added for good measure and closed the doors behind him.

Tony wasn’t stupid. In fact he would have been disappointed if Banana Boy hadn’t tried to jump him before he turned around. Luckily Caster was all talk no action, a lover not a fighter. And probably not much of a lover at that. Tony easily sidestepped Caster’s initial lunge and landed a right hook in the middle of his breadbasket. Caster let out a grunt and went to his knees.

Knowing Elizabeth would be pissed if he messed up the merchandise too much Tony dropped his fist and grabbed the man by the hair instead. Caster coughed up some lettuce on the way to the pool and Tony almost felt bad for kicking him in.

Waiting long enough to make sure the kid wasn’t going to drown, Tony went back to the dinning room doors. He grinned and waved to the maids who ran out from somewhere on the other side of the pool to fish Caster out. The ladies smiled back at Tony even though the big lout in the water splashed enough to get them thoroughly wet. Apparently nobody liked Caster all that much.

Tony straightened his collar, smoothed his hair and strolled back into the dining room. He winked at Elizabeth and moved to his end of the table. McGee looked weak with relief.

Snagging his wine glass Tony lifted it to the remaining members of the dinner party. “To a long and profitable relationship,” he toasted.

“Here, here,” Agatha agreed, lifting her glass to Tony’s as if they were the only two at the table.

Tony savored the fine wine, smiling as McGee choked a little on the first sip before coming to appreciate the bouquet. The rest of the natives seemed to chill out and Elizabeth beamed from the other end of the table.

“Still here, Jethro?” Ducky asked without looking up from the naked body on his table. He was still in scrubs and wore latex gloves even though the autopsy had been completed hours ago. “Well of course you are. That was a silly question.”

Gibbs smirked as the doors swooshed closed behind him. “Either you’ve grown eyes in the back of your head or I’m getting too predictable,” he joked.

Ducky grinned as he turned around to properly greet his old friend. “Where else would you be with two agents undercover in a house of ill repute? I‘m only surprised you‘re not a permanent fixture in Abby‘s lab.”

“Yeah, well, it was getting a little crowded in there. What are you still doing here?” Gibbs inquired, taking a look at the corpse. “Is that Edmunds?”

“Yes. I’m just double checking a few things.”

“You think he wasn’t killed with a woman’s shoe?”

“No, he was,” Ducky assured as he motioned Gibbs closer. “But he was apparently also in an altercation prior to the three deadly blows. Look here.” Ducky pointed out the darker skin under and around the dead Private’s eyes.

“He looks like a raccoon,” Gibbs acknowledged.

“Hmm, quite. Bilateral peri-orbital echymosis, or Boxer’s Sign, named obviously for it’s prevalence in the pugilistic arts. Not to be confused with a Boxer’s fracture which occurs in one or more metacarpal after striking a hard object such as a face or a wall with a closed fist…” Ducky demonstrated with a right jab which Gibbs caught gently mid-air.

“Easy there, Champ,” Gibbs teased in an attempt to get the doctor back on target.

“Sorry,” Ducky said contritely, dropping his fist before finishing. “These markings are a late indication of a subdural hematoma.”

“From a shoe.”

“In this case, yes. Fatally so I’m afraid. He slipped into a coma as his brain rapidly filled with blood and then he died before being tossed overboard sometime later like so much rubbish.”

“Where are you going with this, Duck?”

Ducky tapped a gloved finger gently under Edmund’s right eye. “The bruising is uneven.”

Gibbs leaned in and compared the dark rings for himself. “He already had a shiner.”

“Indeed he did. From the angle and shallow depth I’d say he was hit with a glancing left hook that just skimmed the right cheek and temple.”

“Enough to knock him down?”

Ducky shrugged. “Perhaps. There are other bruises consistent with a fall but as to whether it was from the fisticuffs or the alcohol in his bloodstream, we may never know.”

“Good work,” Gibbs praised on his way out the door.

“I doubt it makes a difference either way,” Ducky called after him, turning back to the body as the doors closed in Gibbs’ wake. “I just hate to overlook anything. Don’t you?”

This was a side of Tony McGee had never seen before. Sure, he knew his co-worker had grown up rich which probably accounted for a lot of it, but this Tony… this Tony was more than lots of money or a pampered upbringing. This Tony had impeccable table manners. This Tony was suave and sophisticated and… dare he think it? Gracious. This Tony was freaking Robert Wagner.

At the moment there were no signs of the mean-spirited frat boy player that so loved to ridicule and tease. Tim couldn’t even picture this Tony in jeans and a sweatshirt even as the enigma plied the other people at the table with subtle inquiries, cop-like, but not noticeably so. To all outward appearances Anthony Wright was simply Henry Higgins getting to know his unwilling little Doolittles. And he was starting to win some of them over, McGuire included. Agatha was practically orgasmic which made Tim want to throw up a little in his mouth as Abby would probably say.

The butlers cleared away the salad plates and replaced them with tiny bowls of sherbet to cleanse the palate, something McGee had heard of but never experienced first hand. It occurred to him as he watched Tony effortlessly choose from the nine frigging pieces of silverware, (and really, who needed four forks, four spoons AND a knife?) that maybe he didn’t know the real DiNozzo so well after all. No one was this good at being someone else without a lifetime of practice.

Under the table Tony touched McGee’s knee, bringing him out of his inward musings. Tony prodded a little harder when Tim didn’t immediately respond. Confused as to what exactly Tony wanted him to do, McGee wiped his mouth on his linen napkin and stared back in abject horror.

With a barely perceptible eye roll, Tony pointed to the floor between them. “Tim, did you drop something?”

“I don’t think so?” McGee answered as a question, knitting his brow self-consciously as there was nothing on the pristine rug. He had no idea where Tony was leading him.

“That’s not yours then?” Tony bent and came up with an earwig in his hand.

McGee reached for his jacket before thinking and felt the ruined one still in his breast pocket.

“Did anybody else lose a hearing aid?” Tony teased, showing the device blatantly.

“It’s mine,” McGee sighed. Once again he felt inadequate for the job at hand. “I must have…”

“Dropped it. Yeah, we got that,” Tony assured, and he wasn’t even being mean. He handed it over and patted McGee affectionately on the shoulder. Suddenly his hand stilled and his eyes darkened.

The table grew quiet and McGee turned to see what everyone was looking at. Ian pretended to cough to cover a disparaging remark about something else being dropped… into the pool. McGee hastily shoved the earwig into his ear as Tony rose to his feet.

“I’d like to finish dinner,” Joshua said to Tony. His clothes were dry but his hair was wet and his face wasn’t giving anything away.

“That would be up to the lady of the house,” Tony deferred to Elizabeth.

The idea that she was still in charge seemed to appeal to Elizabeth a great deal and she looked for a moment like she might actually turn Joshua away. “Certainly, darling,” she finally allowed after a dramatic pause.

“I can’t remember dinner ever being so exciting,” Agatha chattered away, eyes only for Tony.

Tony waited for Joshua to sit before taking his own seat again. He draped his napkin across his lap, winked at Tim, and finished his sherbet as if nothing had ever happened.

“Earth to McGee, come in, Timmy!” Abby’s voice whispered in McGee’s ear. Never had it sounded so sweet.

“DiNozzo get McGee squared away?” Gibbs asked as he entered Abby’s lair and held out a Caf!Pow which was quickly snatched away.

“Thanks, Gibbs!”

“McGee’s earwig?” Gibbs pressed patiently.

“They’re still at dinner,” Abby answered after a long, slow drink. “So we haven’t been able to make direct contact yet. But we are getting hungry listening to them scarf down course after course after course...”

Gibbs did a double take. “They’re still eating?”

“My diet‘s taking a hit just from DiNozzo’s happy chewing noises,” Kate muttered around a yawn as she leaned her cheek on her hand. “Where is his microphone?“

“It’s in the knot of his tie. In retrospect that might have been a bad choice for this.“

“No kidding,“ Kate agreed. “Anyway, dessert is next so hopefully one of them will be able to slip away soon and talk to us.”

“Listening to people eat is boring,” Abby complained with a sigh before indulging in her drink.

“You weren’t bored when DiNozzo put Caster in the water,” Gibbs reminded her with a twinkle in his eye.

Abby choked out a laugh somehow managing not to sputter Caf!Pow all over Gibbs. “No, that was definitely the highlight of dinner.”

Kate grinned even as she closed her eyes. “Definitely.”

“Go home, Kate,” Gibbs ordered after watching her for only a second more. “At least one of us should get some sleep.”

“I don’t want to miss anything,” came the quick comeback as Kate sat up straight and opened her eyes.

“You want to sit there and listen while McGee and DiNozzo suckle crème brûlée and chocolate mousse?” Abby asked wryly.

“Abby, please,” Kate complained with a snort. “I did not need that mental image!“

“Or maybe they’ll have cheesecake… or… or… baked Alaskan,” Abby continued dreamily.

“There’s no telling how much sugar and fat they’ve already consumed this evening,” Kate laughed. “I guess they call it ‘rich’ food for a reason.”

“Just give me a Moonpie and an RC Cola,” Gibbs said.

Abby nodded eagerly. “Or a Clowny Cake and a Caf!Pow.”

“Home, Kate,” Gibbs admonished again. “I want you back in time for breakfast.”

“Ours or theirs?” Kate asked. “Theirs,” she answered her own question at Gibbs’ look. She gathered her jacket and got up to leave. “Night, Abs. Night, Gibbs.”

“Goodnight, John Boy,” Abby called after Kate as she walked out.

“You might as well get some rest, too,” Gibbs told Abby, settling himself at the counter in Kate’s place.

“After three Caf!Pows and a Red Bull? I don’t think so,” Abby said, doing a few jumping jacks for show. “I’m set for the evening.”

Gibbs shook his head and tried to tune into the various conversations as dessert was served.

“I hate men,” Abby grumbled, pinching at a non-existent inch from her waist.

Gibbs smiled softly. “No you don’t.“

“Then I hate men’s metabolism…s. I do, Gibbs. I really, really do.”

No sooner had Tony settled under the overstuffed covers of his nice big, oh so comfortable bed in his private suite he heard the door handle jiggle.

Right after dinner he’d excused himself to give Gibbs a sit-rep, and a run down of each and every delicious course of dinner, at least until Gibbs told him in no uncertain terms to stow it, then retired to the parlor with the rest of Liz’s boy toys for coffee, brandy, and smokes in imitation of gentlemen. Only they couldn’t pull it off and it turned into a drunken pot party instead after Liz and Aggie gave up and went to bed. He could still feel the lingering effects of the second hand smoke even after a hot shower and two Tylenol.

He had no doubt his little to do with Castor was far from over but the kid was playing it cool for now, even appearing somewhat friendly and receptive of Tony‘s advice. But Tony knew any revenge would not come head-on nor without an audience. And more than likely it would strike his perceived weak spot, namely McGee. He hoped McGee heeded his warning.

But Caster was actually low on Tony’s list of persons who might be tiptoeing across his carpeted floor towards the bed. Still, he pulled Gacy a little closer in the dark. His real fear was his midnight visitor might be Agatha so he did the only thing he could. He played dead and prayed the woman was above blatant molestation of someone who appeared to be passed out.

“Tony?”

Tony let out a huge sigh of relief and rolled over to turn on the bedside lamp. “Probie, you scared the shit out of me,” he admonished, pushing Gacy away and glancing toward the still bugged necktie on the nightstand.

“Nice monkey,” McGee commented dryly as he hunkered down at the side of the bed.

“Yeah, I get that all the time,” Tony deadpanned. “Why aren’t you asleep? Did Caster try something?”

“No, he’s out from all the brandy,” McGee reported. “I just wanted to say… thanks.”

“For what?”

McGee shrugged as he studied the floor. “For looking out for me.”

“Hey,” Tony said, reaching out to catch McGee by the chin and force his head up to look at him. “Did you think I wouldn’t? You’re my partner. That’s what we do.”

There was a gasp from the door and Tony dropped his hand as he and McGee startled and turned to stare like two deer caught in Agatha’s proverbial headlight. She stood there agape in her flowing white nightgown complete with high-heeled slippers and feathered boa wrapped around her neck. All dressed up to get undressed.

“I knew it,” Tony grumbled sotto voce.

“I… I didn’t know,” Agatha stuttered. “I mean, I had hoped, but…”

Realization struck Tony full force and he knew he had to protect the op, McGee, and himself. “I’m sorry, Jeanette,” he whispered then slipped a hand behind McGee’s head and pulled him in for a soft, short kiss right on the mouth. “We’re in love,” he added as he pulled away. “Aren’t we, Sweet Pea.”

McGee sat frozen in place, his eyes as big a saucers. Tony could only image what Gibbs or Abby might be saying to him. He fought the urge to cringe and turned his attention to Agatha instead, there would be time for damage control later.

“We’re in a dangerous position,” Tony told her in his most persuasive voice, adding a touch of puppy dog eyes. “I think you can understand that.”

“Yes,” Agatha whispered breathily. “But why him?”

“You don’t know him like I do,” Tony said, turning to McGee with an over-the-top look of longing and love as he cupped McGee’s face, gently this time. He let the moment linger, watching McGee’s mouth fall open then snap shut when he thought Tony might kiss him again. The evil